He said this with exasperation. He was weary from his last relationship being more effort than he would have liked. He thought it should be easier.
I told him most relationships were are least some work. They could be easy breezy, but there was some “work” involved — one of you had to initiate contact, you had to be willing to work through any hiccups. This could be considered work by some. And when romance is involved, expectations quickly escalate.
I’ve heard similar laments from others — mostly men. They didn’t want a relationship to be work. Which usually means they want to do what they want when they want and not have to be responsible for their sweetie’s expectations. Which is what got my friend into his “women are work” funk. His last lady expected him to call her regularly and initiate outings — after dating only two weeks. He then had to deal with her angst when she got upset that he wasn’t behaving as she wanted. “Work” indeed.
I believe that a healthy relationship should be minimal “work” yet it needs constant attention. “Work” says that it’s above and beyond what you find pleasurable. You have to do too many things that you’d prefer not to do. Every romantic relationship requires some compromise, some adaptation, some doing what you’d not choose to do on your own.
What’s your experience with “work” in a relationship? When is it too much? Too little?
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