When you’re clear on what you want, it appears

In the past year I attended both the Toronto and San Jose Film Festivals. I loved screening yet-to-be-released films followed by live commentary from the writers, directors and stars. I delighted in the experience so much, I thought, “I’d like to be with someone in the movie business. It would be fun to hang out with people in the industry.”

A few months later, enter Rocket Man. In our first week’s hours-long phone conversations and daily multiple emails, he’s already invited me to Academy-members-only film viewings and — get this — the Academy Awards ceremony! Serendipity? Maybe. Maybe not.

You may be saying, “I’m clear on what I want! I want a loving, mature, romantic, fun-loving, financially sound, emotionally available guy who will treat me well. So why haven’t I found him yet?” I understand your frustration.

Doug Hooper, an early mentor and author of You Are What You Think, said our wishes go to a giant shipping department in the sky. Sometimes the shipping clerk receives what seems is an incomplete order. The clerk needs to know how tall should your guy be? How old? How close to you should he be living? Should he want to have kids? Your “unit” can’t be shipped until you fill in the missing info. But the clerk doesn’t have a way to tell you the info is missing, so you become frustrated.

Unfortunately, sometimes the orders get lost. You need to keep sending your order, but each time check for completeness. Add anything you notice is missing. I’ve written down my order. (See “What’s your ‘perfect boyfriend’s’ job description?“)

Sometimes the order is complete, but the “unit” is unavailable or still being completed to your specs. Maybe he’s currently with someone else so you have to wait weeks or months for him to become available. Or maybe he’s still bitter about his last relationship and if you were to meet him now, he wouldn’t be emotionally available. The shipping department waits until he’s ready to be shipped to you. Or maybe it’s you who’s not quite ready, even though you think you are.

However, you also have to be willing to accept what the universe ships, if he’s close to what you want. No one is 100% perfect. Even the Earth-bound shipping process sometimes causes some damage in transit. You wanted a guy with a full head of hair and your current guy is perfect except he’s bald? So what! He has a little baggage left over from the last relationship? I bet you do, too. Sometimes the best “units” — like priceless antiques — have slight dents or scratches.

Should you accept partial shipments? A guy who’s only 50% of what you want? In “Building your Franken-boyfriend” I discuss how great it would be if you could combine the desired characteristics from several men into one. However, if he’s only 50% of your order, I think you should put him back into inventory — release him as he may be 95% of what someone else wants.

So is Rocket Man “the one”? I won’t know until we meet and spend some time together. But I do believe if I hadn’t sent in my order months ago, he wouldn’t have shown up.

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