When your net worth is bigger than his

by Dating Goddess on August 22, 2011

Bev asks:

“How does a woman over 50 whose divorce settlement made her a millionaire + handle dating when most men will not have anywhere near her net worth?”


First, since divorces can be devastating financially for both parties, it’s great you came out with a nice sum.

And it’s true that many people experienced financial setbacks following divorce, the recent down economy also created serious financial problems for even previously successful folks. So while not every potential suitor may have experienced financial losses, many will have.

So my first suggestion is to ward off opportunists by not letting on at all about your financial situation for many, many months into dating someone exclusively. While there are many, many good, honest, upstanding men in the dating pool, I’ve heard enough stories of scam artists to be cautious.

Take some extra precautions, like not wearing flashy jewelry, nor talking about expensive vacations or your high-end neighborhood. Look objectively at items or conversational topics that you think are common among your friends that would telegraph wealth. Then eliminate those from your first handful of dates with a man. Switch from your Coach purse to an off brand. Instead of St. John knits, wear something more pedestrian.

A well-off friend purposefully drives his Echo instead of his convertible Mercedes for the first few dates with a woman. If she comments on his crummy car he stops seeing her. He says he’s found that his Mercedes attracts more gold diggers and he just doesn’t want to waste his time.

You want a man who will fall for you, not your nest egg.

If it doesn’t appear he has the resources to treat for dinners and experiences you enjoy, after some months you can offer to have him as your guest. But not at first. Let him pick the restaurant that is comfortable for his budget. You can have a lot of fun doing low-cost activities.

You have to decide at some point if you’d be happy with someone who can’t afford the same lifestyle as you can, or if you’d be okay with paying his part to join you. Generally, mentally healthy men like to be able to provide or at least carry their own weight financially. It will usually gnaw on a man when he is continually financially unable to keep up with his woman and it can destroy the relationship.

Readers, what advice would you give Bev?

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Dating After 40: Dipping Your Toe in the Dating PoolWhat to know more about what to consider when beginning to date again? Download your copy of Dipping Your Toe in the Dating Pool: Dive In Without Belly Flopping

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