What’s your falling-in-love capacity?

by Dating Goddess on May 17, 2009

The other day I fell in love.

With 25 people.

I’d sent a brief pre-session questionnaire to the 25 senior managers enrolled in my 5-day seminar. Their responses were so honest, open and vulnerable that I fell in love with each of them.

Then I met them.

I fell in love again. With all of them. They were appreciative, cooperative, and supportive of me and each other. The five days flew by. We had an acknowledgment circle at the end. Tears flowed as they shared their appreciation, respect and affection toward each other. Even some of the men choked up.

It made me think of how our openness to falling in love — even non-romantic love — affects our dating, and ultimately our life.

The capacity for falling in love stems from a willingness to open your heart, to let others in. But after having fallen for someone romantically and had your heart broken, many people close their heart. They don’t want to be hurt. So they live their life in fear and never experience the connection from opening your heart to another.

I understand this philosophy because I used to share it. I was cold and aloof, rarely letting anyone get close. Because when I’d let people get close, I’d be disappointed and hurt.

Disappointment still happens. Pain still happens. Heartbreak still happens.

But I can’t now imagine life without an open heart. The connectedness you have with people is a feeling of no other.

Some would say that is wearing your heart on your sleeve. When you “fall in love” with someone (feel fondness and affection toward someone) you barely know you are only falling for who you think they are. Which is true. But if someone shares things you know are from their core — not what they think will make them look good — it is hard to not feel connectedness to them.

So while I caution daters to go slow, I also think you have to open your heart. Which is not to say you go head-over-heels for someone on a first date. But just be open to connecting and protect the part that needs to know someone better before surrendering your whole heart.

If you need practice opening your heart, hang out with small children and dogs. You will quickly see how easy it is to fall in love.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

nysharon May 18, 2009 at 4:49 am

AMen

Becky May 18, 2009 at 12:24 pm

I see so many people close themselves off out of the fear of being hurt. In the long run, I believe that this only opens you up to more pain. I risk it, because I think it’s worth it.

Tina T May 18, 2009 at 4:59 pm

I agree about having an open heart. There is a fine line between keeping your heart open and leaving yourself too vulnerable too soon, but it’s still better to lean more towards openness than being too guarded.

Emily Booth May 18, 2009 at 6:15 pm

You remind me of Marianne Williamson! Marianne Williamson said when our hearts are broken, they’re broken wide open and we have a choice, to become hard-hearted or keep our hearts soft.

Yolanda June 9, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Right on sister! I have had my heartbroken in the past only because I had unrealistic expectations of former loves. I had the need to love those who could not or did not want to love again brought on by past deep hurts. But girl I am over being the fixer-upper, overzealous healer, the “one day he’ll wake-up and realize that my love is the magical elixir, and just being near me is all he needs”!

It’s scary but I say speak your truth to the universe, about exactly the type of love/r you this unique individual wants/needs. I recently took up with and then stopped seeing a lover from last year. Ya know the saying “misery loves company”, well he was misery and I was company! And misery was not looking for any type of relationship lasting past the next morning. So I finally had a sit down with myself decided and it was time at the age of 47, to be very brave and speak what was in my heart, to state exactly that I was only open to a deep loving intimate honest partnership with a like minded man.

So my friend said that was kool and he understood, he is a very sweet caring man and is pulling for me to find just that. So until my man comes along, I will continue to watch Animal Planet, swoon over the hummingbirds who come to drink from the feeder, worship babies little toes and stare adoringly into Buddy’s eyes(he’s my dad’s Jack Russell terrier)!

I say take the plunge! Ah, love is in the air and everywhere!

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