Comments on: What’s his inclination to work things out?

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:59:06 +0000

I am in a WEIRD situation. My bf and I broke up in Feb, then 4 days later, he came back. I was scared but thrilled to be honest, I had invested a LOT of myself in this relationship and truly loved him and did want to be with him. Anyway, so we got back together, and he was SOOO DOWN…I asked him what was wrong and he said he was concerned that I would be unhappy because his parents would not treat me well (reason we broke up is that his parents did not support and in our culture, parents’ support is almost required). I said, as long as he treated me well, I would be fine. ANYWAY, he said he would propose two weeks later (HE said, not I). Day he was supposed to, his disappears. Get a text mssg saying he had a fight with his mom and will talk to me later. Anyway, day later, get an email that he realizes that there were things he needs to sort out with his family before he can continue this and that we will talk next WHEN we get married. Anyway, I asked him for clarity on that and asked him ARE YOU SURE, he replied saying yes and it WILL happen not a question of IF, but more WHEN. I am like okkk…anyway, more than a week has passed by I have sent him a thousand (ok less) emails, we are long distance so I cannot even see him, and no reply, other than a ‘will talk to you in a couple of days’. I emailed him simply asking how he was doing, no reply. He will nto come online, will not answer the phone, has totally blacked me out. Mind you, we did not have any problems prior to this. We were really happy, he was the one talking about the future, how I am THE girl for him, etc etc. So now, I have NO IDEA what to make of the situation, bit in a limbo. My parents are FURIOUS at him because he promised THEM he would take care of me (my parents were amazingly supportive). Thing is, by his own admission, I am the one person who reads him like a book (and I do). But this silence is maddening. I don’t know what to make of it and have cried and cried. I mean, I don’t even know where he stands. He is the type of person who does tend to want to do things on his own and I suspect a part of him thinks he is insulating me. When I asked him why we should not communicate anymore, he said it was because hte same thing would happen again and again and he needed to figure out things in his household. So, at this point, I do not even know if he is coming back to me. NEVER did I imagine would he do this. Even during our worst fights, he always came back. I am so angry at him, and I am trying to move on, but I hate the fact that a part of me is hopeful again. I told him, listen, if you just dupe me again, it’s gonna kill me, he said no that will NOT happen. And I think he believed his own words and I believed him. Even until the day before he disappeared, he was telling me how much he loved me, how amazing I am, etc etc. I just don’t know. Is this how guys solve problems?? Do they need their space??

By: Brenda

Brenda — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:51:44 +0000

When I needed “space” recently, and told the man I was dating for 6 weeks that I did, because of finalizing my divorce and custody issues (pending for a very long time, almost one year), he reacted poorly. He said I needed to “consult” with him beforehand, that we needed to meet in person to do so (over the telephone did not count), so on and so forth. He insisted we meet that evening to “talk” even though I had my children that night. Of course, I did not, but in the course of all of this, what reared its ugly head was his huge self-centeredness, that was only slightly visible during that sic weeks. He gave all the “right” answers to questions but when I needed his understanding, all I received was his diatribe. I agree with Jack wholeheartedly……….have now moved on to a much better man………..

By: Jack

Jack — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 22:26:14 +0000

A man who is willing to talk on a more than a superficial level will also most likely be willing to talk about problems and how to resolve them. The question then is finding out if a man is more than just superficial. A few tests: insists on always going to an action film (fine sometimes) but winces at going to a well reviewed film at the art house, includes friends too often on dates (it happened to me with a woman so not gender specific), changes the subject if you begin to venture into personal talk (okay early on but should quickly diminish). Read actions and you’ll have your answer and yes I realize that that makes men as mysterious (or more mysterious even) then men are always claiming women are (please excuse the syntactical contortions in that sentence).

By: PreviouslyQueenofE

PreviouslyQueenofE — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:47:22 +0000

DG, I am so sorry to hear that this one didn’t work out either, and went poof on you like the others. You already know all this stuff, it’s just much harder to put into practice. All the interview-type questions in the world can’t prevent a loving heart from acting on its feelings! Hugs and thanks for sharing your experiences – you’re an amazing woman!

By: Carmen Vj

Carmen Vj — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:55:22 +0000

Communication is the ultimate when it comes to relationships. You both have to be on the same page at all times. And you must talk out all issues. The reason why many relationships do not work is because the communication is not there. Great communication in a relationship offers a stable relationship. Just as long you both love being around each other. Even at all times. And don’t go to bed mad. Make sure you make up or resolve the issue before you both lay down. There is hope.