Comments on: Wanted: A man with a plan

By: Samantha

Samantha — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:12:29 +0000

I like what Calia said! Consider each person on their own merits and if we have a connection or not. Some people do go on with their lives as if they will always be alone, and may give the impression at first that they might not have room or the desire to fit someone in to their lives. It’s not always obvious at first what’s going on and they may need time and the situation may need time to unfold and reveal itself.

By: Calia Roze

Calia Roze — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:07:13 +0000

I have never been attracted to a man who doesn’t have some sort of drive or ambition. A man without a plan is usually a man who is a little too lazy in my eyes. The trouble is that the men with “plans” usually are so wrapped up in their plan that it doesn’t include me. In addition to that, they definitely aren’t interested in an overachieving girl who has a plan too! I think we need to consider each person on their own merits and if we have a connection with them or not. You’d be surprised what you will remove from your “wants list” when you meet someone you actually like without overthinking it! Good luck!

By: Samantha

Samantha — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 09:14:15 +0000

I would ask him if he’s interested in building a life with someone, or if he’s a committed bachelor. You might be pleasantly surprised to hear his response. It’s better to interact and ask instead of drawing one’s own conclusion.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 09:45:12 +0000

I would think that anyone’s plan, male or female, at middle-age, wouldn’t include relying on a partner for financial support.

In other words, you should be able to stand on your own feet and not need a partner to support you financially. And likewise, you won’t have to support him or her.

That’s the only plan I have. The rest is chemistry, bonding, liking the other person, and being able to live with that person. I don’t know how you plan for all that stuff. I think it’s trial and error.

By: Aclear

Aclear — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:08:10 +0000

This is a watershed concern for me as I contemplate what will make me happy in my next relationship. I assume my beloved will have different, but similar dreams, or we don’t have compatible goals. My goal, and that of many of the many men dating online out there, is to really bond. If a person isn’t motivated to share their life with a beloved, they will not have that as a part of their life plan. They may not even be conscious of it, but if they have not accounted for it in their vision, they aren’t really ready for it. And if they aren’t ready for it, I can’t make it so for them. I am self sufficient and content in my own home and life. However, my vision includes ways to blend my life with a man I can love, and I will do that without question when the time is right. And if a man I consider doesn’t have that ability, if he doesn’t have the vision to share their life, with me, it will not work out. Go, Goddess, go! You are so on the right track, again!

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:32:08 +0000

Richard: Having a vision is fine. You have an idea of what you want and some thoughts on where you might fulfill that vision. That’s more than a lot of people! And you’ve planned by making sure you’re financially secure. You’re good! No need to feel inadequate about anything.

By: Richard

Richard — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:47:49 +0000

I feel sooo inadequate. Then I thought: A “vision” is different from a “plan”. How can you “plan” for someone you don’t even know? I can plan my summer by buying tickets to baseball games, but how would I know that you prefer auto racing if we haven’t met yet?

I have planned for a comfortable retirement, but at this point, I haven’t thought much about where. I have a vision of retiring in a warmer low tax state, and doing things I enjoy that can be done almost anywhere. I don’t know where the kids are going to be living. I figure planning the details can wait until the time is closer (although buying a place in Florida at today’s pennies on the dollar prices is really enticing), and I can take into account the Vision of my Lady.

Is having a vision, but not a plan, so bad?

By: Mitsy

Mitsy — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:54:53 +0000

That “me” attitude is also what I found among most of the guys I met or dated from online. Their vision was pretty self-centered and with little leeway or consideration for a woman to remain in the picture for the long-term. When you get to be my age (48), you are thinking more about retirement and where you’ll be living.

The more I think about it, the less I think that marriage will ever happen for me. I bought my own home almost 6 years ago and don’t have any plans to relocate. If I had to move in order to find someone, I’d just stay alone. I have worked much too hard for the things I have to give it all up for a man or anyone else. In other words, I would not be that woman selling all her belongings in order to fit in a man’s two-bedroom condo. If I wasn’t mad at the thought to begin with, I’d surely grow to resent it (as well as him) if I actually followed through with such a request.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:40:12 +0000

I asked my never-been-married BF a while back what he thinks about marriage – not marriage to me, just in general….He replied that he can see himself marrying someone he loves. I told him my expectation after dating someone for 2 or 3 years, if we had a good relationship blah blah etc (dont remember exact wording) that I expect to get married. I said I’ve been married before, I liked it and want to do it again.

All I can do is put it out there what I would like, and ask that he consider my feelings and not lead me on if he knows in his heart he really wouldn’t marry me. Since that conversation didnt make him flinch, and he’s open to see where we go together, I’m OK.

Some guys don’t have a plan, but if he’s responsible, wants and needs a woman, he is probably willing to make a life plan along with her. I think each guy should be evaluated individually.