Travel partner with benefits

by Dating Goddess on April 23, 2014

My post-divorce dating has not yielded a beau who liked — or had the means — to travel. I love to travel so have scratched my itch by traveling with or meeting up with friends.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been invited to travel with men, but unfortunately, they’ve been men I haven’t yet met or had met only once or twice. I knew they were really just looking for a travel partner with benefits, as they asked me to share their cruise cabin or their hotel room. I wanted to avoid being stuck on another continent with someone who was ponderous or obnoxious.

I’m now getting to know a man who lives 500 miles away and has travel benefits from retiring from an airline. Several times a month he travels cross country to visit family, or abroad for a brief respite. In our initial call, he offered that one of the benefits to his future sweetheart was as much travel as she wanted. I teased him, “We haven’t even met and you’re already sweetening the pot!”

And it is indeed a sweetener, as I love exploring new places and visiting friends abroad.

However, there are some drawbacks.

Because he flys standby, he isn’t always able to make his destination. He’s tried twice to come see me, but after attempts at several flights, gave up. So after talking for a month, we have yet to meet. Not optimal. He has assured me that if we hit it off in person as we do on the phone, he will figure out the best way to come visit me regularly, even if that means buying full-fare tickets.

And I’m not keen on jumping into a shared room with someone I haven’t gotten to know and trust. Yes, one could look at it as a vacation fling, but I’d really like more. And I think it would be hard to share a room — even with twin beds — and be able to not have things get out of hand.

So I will get to know him without sharing a space with him. He’s asked if I have a guest room, which I do, but I don’t even want to invite him to stay without our knowing each other for a while. When first dating, I don’t really want someone to see me first thing in the morning. I want there to be some intrigue, some longing, and some alone time.

Have you ever tried the travel partner with benefits route? If so, what did you learn? Would you advise others to follow your path?

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Almita April 23, 2014 at 10:34 pm

I met a man at a conference, and after intense e-mailing for several months afterwards, we agreed to meet for a week’s vacation in an exotic locale. I insisted that we have separate hotel rooms because I felt that would give me more freedom if things didn’t work out. He obviously wanted sex and was quite persistent that we should stay in the same room. Finally, I said, “Hey, if we have two rooms, that just gives us more options for where we can have sex!” That was convincing enough for him. Even though we spent most of our time together (touring and having sex), I was glad to be able to go back to my own room to take a shower, take a nap, etc. without having to be with him 24 hours a day.

A few months after our trip, he came to visit me and stayed at my apartment for three days. He was really messy to the extent that I knew that I could never live with this man. After that, our communication tapered off, mostly because I wasn’t as interested in a relationship after seeing that side of him.

You are right that staying in separate rooms can help maintain the mystery and the fantasy. Staying together (whether or not you have sex) will really test your compatibility.

Matt Svenska May 21, 2014 at 7:04 am

Thanks for sharing your true stories, hard to find sites that are honest like this

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