Too much information?

by Dating Goddess on October 8, 2013

As a generality, men tend to keep relationship details to themselves. Their friends and family may have to probe and prod to even discover they have started dating someone. Guys keep that info to themselves. Only under rare circumstances would they share intimate details with their buddies.

Women, however, tend to be the opposite. It’s common for a woman to tell her gal pals all about the man she’s dating, even sometimes before the woman has even met him in person (if connected online). Once she’s gone out with him, it’s not uncommon for a woman to share all about him, where they went, what they did, what he said, what she found appealing or not so much. If they have a fight, her inner circle is the first to hear. If he makes her happy, same thing.

So women’s friends know a lot about a guy before they’ve even met him. They probably have formed an opinion about him and have decided if they like him or not. They may have decided if he’s good enough for their pal — or not.

And these friends may know personal information about him that he’d be embarrassed to realize they know. For example, a pal was sharing with another gal pal about her first intimate encounter with her new guy. Many intricate and private details were disclosed. Even the size of his condom. The listening pal said, “I hope I never meet him as I now can’t get out of my head what size he wears.”

“A tad too much over sharing,” she thought.

We need to think through how much we’re sharing about the man we’re dating and what affect that may have with our friends’ attitudes toward him. We want our friends to like him and he them. We need to have better filters about what is too personal to share. I’m sure you wouldn’t like thinking your guy shared your sexual preferences or  proclivities. You’d be embarrassed when around his pals if you knew he’d shared this with them. We need to have the same sensitivity about what we share with our friends.

Have you ever felt you shared too much with your friends? Or have you learned that your guy shared with his friends details of your intimate time? What did you do?

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Richard October 8, 2013 at 4:11 pm

Interesting. You always hear about guy’s locker room talk. It never occurred to me that I was never around when it happened. Funny that it is really the ladies baring their …

Let me know when you publish your “50 Shades of Grey” (pun intended)

Brenda October 8, 2013 at 5:35 pm

I have been guilty of oversharing with my gal pals but never about intimacy, more so about how I felt, how they acted, etc. I learned to really pull back, and to keep most things to myself. I did have a beau who shared way too much and it upset me so greatly, that eventually (when he continued to do so knowing it bothered me) I stopped seeing him.

Dating Goddess October 8, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Brenda: How did you discover he overshared about your relationship?

Richard: I’m guessing you hang out with higher caliber guys than those who tell all.

Brenda October 9, 2013 at 6:08 am

Mutual friends and casual acquaintances (from my church mind you!) came up to me and mentioned what he had said. It was embarrassing! He kept doing it and knew it bothered me. I felt he was very insensitive and lacked appropriate boundaries.

Dating Goddess October 14, 2013 at 4:05 pm

Guys: Since Richard hasn’t been privy to locker-room talk, my understanding is that it isn’t about details, but more “Did you get some” kinda banter. Am I wrong? Do guys share specifics about sexual exploits? I’m also guessing guys don’t ask each other for advice about sexual challenges. Enlighten us here!

Janet October 17, 2013 at 7:59 am

I tend not to share much of anything with anyon about ho I am dating…when I was dating (married now). I used to play my cards close to me chest. Unfortunately I have a friend who is very loose with her hand of cards, so to speak. I try to steer conversations away from relationships or anything that may spark hr and off she goes! Sharing embarrassingly intimate details with me, oblivious to my cringing attitude.

Aaron Richards October 17, 2013 at 11:00 am

I hate when people over-share! Why can’t people keep their private lives to themselves?

Bekie October 24, 2013 at 9:02 am

I am guilty of sharing information with my friends and I realise that it does upset men sometimes. I just think that its a woman thing and what a lot of women do. It probably comes down to someones personality in the end how much you want to share

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