Comments on: The low-speed chase http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/ Dating over 40 advice by the Dating Goddess™ Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:27:31 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Jenwren http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/comment-page-1/#comment-23019 Jenwren Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:16:22 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=2780#comment-23019 Love the terminology "slow speed chase". I've been involved in this for the past 6 months - there is progress just soooo slooooww. And it is a great relationship. I don't really mind the slowness of it but it feels so much better to have a "label" for it. Jenwren Love the terminology “slow speed chase”.

I’ve been involved in this for the past 6 months – there is progress just soooo slooooww. And it is a great relationship.

I don’t really mind the slowness of it but it feels so much better to have a “label” for it.

Jenwren

]]> By: Yolanda http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/comment-page-1/#comment-22546 Yolanda Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:12:37 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=2780#comment-22546 Yes I'm all for the slow-speed chase these days. I'm finding out I need more then a few weeks to get to know someone enough to know if I want things to get more serious. For me I would like to try this modality while dating a few men at the same time. Yes I’m all for the slow-speed chase these days. I’m finding out I need more then a few weeks to get to know someone enough to know if I want things to get more serious. For me I would like to try this modality while dating a few men at the same time.

]]> By: Mark http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/comment-page-1/#comment-22523 Mark Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:20:33 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=2780#comment-22523 There are lots of free things to do. Ultimately, if you are just looking for companionship there's no reason not to see someone and do the free stuff and every now and then scrape up some money to do something else. If you want a spouse or live-in partner, then yes, you probably need to concentrate on someone who is employed. If you lost your job would you expect your boyfriend to dump you? That wouldn't be much of a boyfriend. Honestly, Dating Goddess, you've been through so many relationships that didn't work out I am thinking it is you. You want the near-perfect man and you will never find him. Maybe you will find someone and think he is near-perfect, but chances are after you make a commitment you will begin to discover flaws and irritations. I think we all get pickier as we age, because we know more based on our life experiences. Relationships are all about compromise and putting the other person first half the time. There are lots of free things to do. Ultimately, if you are just looking for companionship there’s no reason not to see someone and do the free stuff and every now and then scrape up some money to do something else.

If you want a spouse or live-in partner, then yes, you probably need to concentrate on someone who is employed.

If you lost your job would you expect your boyfriend to dump you? That wouldn’t be much of a boyfriend.

Honestly, Dating Goddess, you’ve been through so many relationships that didn’t work out I am thinking it is you. You want the near-perfect man and you will never find him. Maybe you will find someone and think he is near-perfect, but chances are after you make a commitment you will begin to discover flaws and irritations.

I think we all get pickier as we age, because we know more based on our life experiences. Relationships are all about compromise and putting the other person first half the time.

]]> By: Lyn http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/comment-page-1/#comment-22237 Lyn Tue, 26 May 2009 23:06:46 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=2780#comment-22237 It really depends on the situation. It sounds like your friend is in dire economic straits. I've been unemployed and was able to live on unemployment, savings, rental income, and freelance work without having to be dependent on anyone. In less than a year, a new job came along. During that time, I tried to stay productive and worked on upgrading my skills. Has he been financially responsible in the past? Does he continue to work on making himself more marketable? Is he willing to take a less than perfect job in order to stay afloat? Perhaps even more important, is he weathering the storm, or has he become depressed? Slow may not be a bad thing, given the circumstances. It really depends on the situation. It sounds like your friend is in dire economic straits. I’ve been unemployed and was able to live on unemployment, savings, rental income, and freelance work without having to be dependent on anyone. In less than a year, a new job came along. During that time, I tried to stay productive and worked on upgrading my skills. Has he been financially responsible in the past? Does he continue to work on making himself more marketable? Is he willing to take a less than perfect job in order to stay afloat? Perhaps even more important, is he weathering the storm, or has he become depressed? Slow may not be a bad thing, given the circumstances.

]]> By: Mitsy http://www.datinggoddess.com/the-low-speed-chase/comment-page-1/#comment-22016 Mitsy Tue, 19 May 2009 02:25:48 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=2780#comment-22016 I could talk about this issue from a few perspectives. For starters, some of the concerns mentioned would be a concern for me if I was on a "low-speed" chase with a guy. For most men, a lot of what they are and who they feel as a person, is tied to their job or career. I know it is for myself as well. I have dated some men who had some pretty serious issues in their life. To my way of thinking, it's best if you can guard your heart and not get too tangled up with their problems BEFORE you are an actual couple. I know that I tend to take on their problems as MY problems. I carry that burden with them, but it usually ends up breaking the guy anyway & he decides to bail on the relationship regardless. I guess I wouldn't be willing to risk if the guy is in between jobs. I think it's a LOT different starting out that way than being a couple and then LATER he loses the job as someone mentioned. That changes the dynamics of things considerably because by then you hopefully have had time to see how he reacts with a crisis or disappointment. Lastly, my sister has been married to an educated man who I believe suffers from Ausberger's Syndrome. It's a neurological personality disorder and people who have this have a lot of problems learning to deal with other people and keeping a job. Although he has not been diagnosed (that is my interpretation), my brother-in-law's personality is not one that is endearing to anyone who meets him (not sure what she saw in him to begin with). But he has lost several jobs since we've known him and 2 jobs were lost since they've been married. My sister is now on the verge of leaving him because he can't keep a job. Even if he got one tomorrow, she can't trust that he could keep it. So a job and job security are major issues for most couples. If my sister had known it would end up like this, I know she would have never married him. My advice--wait until they have a job to put your eggs into his basket and also see if he can keep a job (and not just talking bad economy here). I could talk about this issue from a few perspectives. For starters, some of the concerns mentioned would be a concern for me if I was on a “low-speed” chase with a guy. For most men, a lot of what they are and who they feel as a person, is tied to their job or career. I know it is for myself as well. I have dated some men who had some pretty serious issues in their life. To my way of thinking, it’s best if you can guard your heart and not get too tangled up with their problems BEFORE you are an actual couple. I know that I tend to take on their problems as MY problems. I carry that burden with them, but it usually ends up breaking the guy anyway & he decides to bail on the relationship regardless. I guess I wouldn’t be willing to risk if the guy is in between jobs. I think it’s a LOT different starting out that way than being a couple and then LATER he loses the job as someone mentioned. That changes the dynamics of things considerably because by then you hopefully have had time to see how he reacts with a crisis or disappointment.

Lastly, my sister has been married to an educated man who I believe suffers from Ausberger’s Syndrome. It’s a neurological personality disorder and people who have this have a lot of problems learning to deal with other people and keeping a job. Although he has not been diagnosed (that is my interpretation), my brother-in-law’s personality is not one that is endearing to anyone who meets him (not sure what she saw in him to begin with). But he has lost several jobs since we’ve known him and 2 jobs were lost since they’ve been married. My sister is now on the verge of leaving him because he can’t keep a job. Even if he got one tomorrow, she can’t trust that he could keep it. So a job and job security are major issues for most couples. If my sister had known it would end up like this, I know she would have never married him. My advice–wait until they have a job to put your eggs into his basket and also see if he can keep a job (and not just talking bad economy here).

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