The joy of boy toys

by Dating Goddess on February 3, 2011

Younger men. Sometimes decades younger. Perhaps young enough to be your son.

I’m not usually drawn to them because they are typically even more immature than the fifty-somethings I tend to date. And I abhor the concept of and term “cougar” so would never want to be accused of one.

But every once in a while a younger man comes along who is worth considering. And if there’s mutual attraction, it can be great for your ego — as well as fun!

A few months ago I had a few dates and continue to be contact with one such man. He is more emotionally mature than many of the chronologically mature men with whom I’ve gone out, despite his being 20 years my junior. He’s handsome, interesting, thoughtful, intelligent — and he thinks I’m sexy and, in his words, “gorgeous.” I usually only get that from the near-sighted men closer to my own age.

Yesterday a 40-year-old colleague called and the topic turned to his 63-year-old widowed mother who’d begun dating. He’s been helping her write her online profile and vetting prospective suitors. It got him thinking about if he weren’t happily married. He blurted out, “If I weren’t married, I’d definitely want to date you.” Sweet man. Of course, when one is married, it is very safe to spew such sentiments. Toward the end of the conversation, he said he thought I was “smokin’ hot,” which made this overweight, crow’s feet-festoon 55-year-old feel very nice indeed.

Several friends have long-term marriages with younger men. I could see how it could work if the couples were compatible. After all, in the grand scheme, does age really matter? He could have health challenges before she does. And since women’s life span is longer, she’d be able to have a sweetheart into her elder years.

Most of us don’t like to think long term. We want to enjoy the magic of now and believe we’ll figure out what we need when the time comes. So why not embrace the situation if a there’s a mutual attraction with a younger man and see where it goes?

As long as you both are clear that you want similar things out of life, then an age difference doesn’t really matter. However, my experience is that a man a decade or so younger typically has children at home, or is consumed by his career, or doesn’t really have time or the means to travel or accompany me in the life I’ve created. If so, great. But I’ve found it’s rare.

So should you throw caution to the wind and play with your boy toy? Or is that disrespectful to him, implying that you will discard him when he’s no longer fun to play with? But isn’t that a possibility no matter what his age? And, of course he could jettison you just as easily.

What’s your philosophy about midlife women dating a man over a decade younger? Have you done it? What did you learn?

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Want to explore more about who you want as your next sweetie? Get your copy of  In Search of King Charming: Who Do I Want to Share My Throne?

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