The fix-up

by Dating Goddess on August 25, 2010

Weeks ago my friend mentioned his brother was coming into town for a few days to celebrate my friend’s birthday. My pal said he’d like his brother to meet me. “You’ll like him” he declared. Since I like my pal a lot, I thought if his brother is like him, yes I would enjoy that.

The weeks passed without further mention of this – no invitation to join them on any outing; no set time to rendezvous.

A few evenings ago, I heard my friend’s familiar doorbell ring pattern beckoning me to answer. There he was, with said brother, saying they’d just gone to the market and did I want to come over for dinner. Normally, I’d jump at an offer for someone else’s cooking, but I’d just taken my week’s dinners off the grill. Since I had abundance, I offered for them to join me for dinner.

The brother was shorter than me, lived an 8-hour drive away and immediately began calling me “Sweetie,” something I deplore as a sooner-than-earned privilege. I endured his turning the conversation back to himself throughout dinner, and in the course of the discussion, learned he was single. They invited me to join them the next day, along with my friend’s girlfriend, for the birthday dinner, saying how much fun I’d have and how they’d love to have me there.

Now the brother’s occasional flirts began to make sense! My friend was trying to fix us up!

It felt like in college, coupled friends suggested I go along with them and a guy friend of theirs to an outing. It wasn’t as if they thought we’d be a good match; just someone to entertain their pal so they wouldn’t feel awkward being a couple with him. Rarely did these events go well. Generally, they were excruciating. I put up with someone either too shy to be engaging, clearly disinterested in getting to know me despite my trys to start conversations, or too aggressively horny to keep his hands to himself.

So I declined the brother’s invitation for the next day. I wondered if I was being selfish to not want to share in my friend’s birthday activities. But then I thought, if it were important to him for me to be there, he would have asked beforehand.

Have you been fixed up by a friend? How did it go?

_____________________

My recent interview with Speeddate.com is now available for reading.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Mark August 26, 2010 at 2:15 pm

I’ve never been on a fixup, but I would guess the odds of one working out are long. The normal dating process is more misses than hits. I’d think fixups are even less likely to result in a match.

Julie August 26, 2010 at 4:00 pm

Could be it wasn’t necessarily a matter of your friend thinking you weren’t important enuff to be there… sounds like he had good intentions, but just did not know the right way to handle the situation. His main priority was the brother’s visit… and, he also wanted you two to meet. Instead of being the normal friend that weekend, he was thinking more along those lines temporarily. Maybe he wanted to see how brother reacted to you before inviting you along further.

I have never been fixed up either. I have thought about doing it, but it created a lot of anxiety for me. The anxiety over wanting to introduce a family member to a good friend would create so much anxiety for me that my manners would go out the window. I’d be too worried about making it look like a setup. lol

Karen August 27, 2010 at 3:59 am

Fix-ups? (groan!)

I totally agree with you DG–the hugest problem is that they usually involve some guy who is socially hopeless. It always makes me feel offended–why did my friend who set me up think I was that desperate?

This might sound mean, but it’s not–I mean, think about it: if the brother of my friend was normal, he’d just call me up on his own, introduce himself, and invite me to coffee or bowling with his friends or meet at the sports bar to watch the game or something like that. He’d flirt politely and flatter me a bit–that way I’d know he was interested. Afterwards, he’d be capable of actually asking me out for a “real” date, and they I could say yes or no.

ie he’d be capable of organizing his own social life.

A guy who doesn’t know how to do this? Who needs his sister/friend whatever to “mediate” so women don’t run the other way the second they meet him? A guy who is so tongue-tied that he can’t speak to a woman himself, or who is so socially inept that he can’t get through an evening with someone? A guy who doesn’t know how to flirt repectfully but instead sits and stares, or makes lewd comments, or (yikes) gets grabby? Why would I want to spend any time with a guy like that?

Anna August 27, 2010 at 10:40 am

Many years ago, back in my early twenties, I was fixed up with a date. A girlfriend of mine and her boyfriend asked me to join them for dinner and mentioned that his friend would come also. I did know in advance that I was being fixed up and remember thinking well, who knows? Hhowever when the guy arrived at the restaurant we both discovered the ill match. He was an up and coming jockey (horses) due to his short stature and light build. I am five nine and always love heels. I felt more sorry for him than for me, he was clearly uncomfortable when it came to the dancing part of dinner and dancing. Actually we had a nice enough evening, he was chatty, polite and good company, even to the point where we laughed about the difference in our heights. And it clearly mattered to him that I towered over him. I honestly don’t know what my girlfriend and her guy were thinking, and I never did ask them because it would sound too petty. My girlfriend was slightly taller than her guy but not such a difference as their fixer uppers :) That was my first and last time agreeing to a fix up, although many other attempts were made by well meaning friends after my hubby died. I prefer to get out and socialize and find a guy myself!!

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