Such a deal!

by Dating Goddess on March 1, 2012

I sent this picture and to a mattress-salesman friend — who’s also a single hunk. I suggested this offer might help him sell more beds.

But aside from my smart alecness, it made me wonder if men saw this exchange similar to dinner and a dalliance. If the man buys the goods (lunch), he then gets the bonus (lovemaking). Buy a woman quiche, get a quickie. Some BBQ gets you a boff. A bit of food yields fornication. Din-din earns sin sin.

Much has been written about this unstated quid pro quo. As a young woman in the middle of the sexual revolution, I was advised that if a man bought me dinner, then dessert should be me!

Luckily, in midlife most have us have evolved past this tit-for-tat thinking. But occasionally I come across a man who expects to come back to my place after a first date. I now know that it has little to do with his attraction to me, but more a sign of his horniness — as long as the woman he’s with isn’t odious, he’ll at least try to get her in bed.

This is one of the reasons I rarely accept a first date dinner invitation. I’ve found some men expect reciprocity of the physical kind. When they try to extract their “payment,” not only does it feel tawdry, but it reeks of gentrified prostitution.

Have you found midlife men expect intercourse after the third course? Cavorting after cappuccino? A romp after ravioli? Share your stories.

__________________

Want to understand more about sex and dating? Get your copy of From Fear to Frolic: Get Naked Without Getting Embarrassed.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

kathy March 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

I volunteer at a local senior center (I’m 63 and retired). There’s a guy that keeps asking me to go home with him – thinks I must be horny since I don’t have a boyfriend. He tells me he has a vibrator – LOL. I guess even at 79 he isn’t ready to give up trying – although his approach could use a little work. He isn’t even offering food.

Dating Goddess March 2, 2012 at 10:36 am

Kathy:

LOL!

Not even coffee? Wow! Maybe at 79 he has forgotten he has to at least attempt to woo the woman!

Very funny story.

Katie March 4, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Oh, yes, it is clearly far more often expected than NOT expected. One second-date conversation over dinner went like this:
Me: What were you looking for when you joined the singles group?
Guy: (looking thoughtful) A friend and a lover…
Me: (pause) Well, I can certainly be your friend.
Guy: (puts fork down, visibly disappointed) Are you sure you’re ready to date?
That was the verbatim transcript. The implication was that if I wasn’t ready to sleep with someone, I probably wasn’t ready to be in the dating scene. Aaiieeee…

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: