Comments on: Social-circle accountability — a missing link in online dating

By: Vivian

Vivian — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 15:24:38 +0000

DG-I agree with you.

By: nysharon

nysharon — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:33:23 +0000

I’ve been treated rudely in both situations but on-liners always showed up for a date. Their behavior on that date may not have been the best. I was however, stood up by three men over the past year and 1/2 who I met though friends. One was a best friend of my girlfriends husband! The other two where men I met socially of which we had mutual friends. From the first I got an apology (can you believe he asked me out again a year later when I ran into him?) The other two went Poof. I don’t care why, I am glad I avoided it all in the long run. Honestly, if they are immature and thoughless, they are that way no matter how you meet. It is just harder to check out what kind of person they are if you don’t know anyone mutually.

By: hw

hw — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:39:45 +0000

DG - I think you hit the nail on the head! I think that is why I liked Charlotte’s idea in Sex and the City. She decides to throw a used date party. I’ve met some good people, just not right for me, why not bring them into my social circle.

By: walt

walt — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 14:36:44 +0000

I think you are right that people are under more pressure to behave appropriately if there is social circle accountability, although in your example the woman behaved inappropriately anyway. The problem you mention with internet dating also applies to other types of anonomous meetings - I experienced it with women I met in clubs in my 20’s. I think the accountability benefit (and pre-screening) is one reason some people prefer personal introductions. The problem with that is that people set you up with the most inappropriate people, or people you know within 30 seconds that you are not attracted to, and then you have to try to gracefully exit without ruffling your friend’s feathers. Meeting someone at a party or group get-together is ideal, but those oportunities don’t come along every day.

By: Elena

Elena — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:13:11 +0000

Yes, you are so right that this is a missing link in online dating and if more people knew that they would have to be accountable (i.e. have to explain their misbehavior or rude behavior) to a social network, they would think twice before acting inconsiderate. In my experience, most of my friends have stopped arranging blind dates with acquaintances/co-workers because of the social circle accountability issue and all the “surprises” that can pop up afterwards.