Slip-sliding away

by Dating Goddess on September 16, 2013

Some men just go poof — stopping any communication with you without a word.

Others break up — in person, by phone, via email, or more and more commonly by text. They send a clear message they are moving on.

But there’s another way men exit from a dating relationship.

They cut back their contact a bit over time. If they used to text multiple times a day, it dwindles to once or twice. If they used to call daily, it’s now a few times a week. Slowly they are extricating themselves.

Have they officially broken up with you? No. Have they overtly thought, “I’m not really that into her anymore.” They just don’t find themselves thinking of you that often, so they aren’t compelled to connect.

Should you call this out? “Hey, why aren’t you texting me as much as before?” You can if you want, but it definitely puts him on the spot. It forces him to think, “Why haven’t I been in contact?” And the answer might be, “I just don’t think of her much so don’t reach out.” So it may prompt a “I guess we should not see each other anymore” or “Let’s take a break until my work slows down” response.

Most likely he’ll respond with, “I’ve just been really busy” which gives him the option to increase his connections or say, “Let’s get together.” Or not. “Busy” is a cop out, as we know if we really want to connect with someone we will, even if it’s a quick “thinking of you” text.

So if you find your suitor-du-jour slip-sliding away, examine your attitude about it. Do you want to always be the one initiating contact? That seems needy and desperate. If you want to continue seeing him, tell him sweetly that you miss his regular connections and want to make sure everything’s all right. He will get the message that you appreciate his overtures but you’re not putting him on the spot.

If he doesn’t increase his connections, you know he’s mentally gone. He’s checked out of any “relationship” you two have. He’s just not that interested anymore. Maybe he’s become enthralled with someone else — or not.

Don’t gnash your teeth and bemoan the ending of what could have been a great relationship. You can’t make anyone fall in love with you if they’re not feeling it. So let it go.
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Dating Over 40: Moving On GracefullyWant to read more about how dating relationships end? Get your copy of Moving On Gracefully: Break Up Without Heartache

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

JC / John September 16, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Tread carefully. If he is leaving, you absolutely have a right to know. As a guy, if you say, “why don’t you call me as much as you used to?” – THAT right there is GUARANTEED to hear even less from me. If you want to salvage this, back off. Like, don’t call, give him space. Let him miss you. No matter what, when he does call, be upbeat and playful.

If that doesn’t work for you, then just let him go. I guarantee you if he is into you, he wants to see you. But that’s the same for both men and women…… ..right?

Dating Goddess September 16, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Hey John — we’re on the same page. That’s why I didn’t say to ask him why he didn’t call you as much, but more that you love it when he does. Different message.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Patricia Carson September 20, 2013 at 1:50 pm

In the last two years, after an adulthood of several boyfriends, I took a break from trying to find a mate until recently. I had a date with a man I had met once, about 2 years ago. We had a great first date, a good second date and then a few conversations on the phone with no definite plan to see each other again. I left him a message on his voicemail voicing my concern that I could feel something was wrong. No reply came. I guess I am right and I need to forget him. Shucks, I think he is someone I could really enjoy getting to know better. Why he doesn’t feel the same about me I may never know or whether he is even not breathing, I just won’t know. Moving on.

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