The article talked about chimps and baboons, and how when studying these animals t was clear that female chimps paid close attention to which males were most adept at negotiating the social heirarchies and social cues within their local group, choosing to mate only with chimps who were adept socially. These monkeys, just like humans, live all their lives in an intensely social environment, and in order to survive and thrive in that environment, they need to be able to understand and appropriately respond to myriads of subtle social clues.

So, don’t feel bad about turning down a boorish guy! He’s just demonstrated his “un-fitness” by showing his profound inability to fit into the social/cultural world that we live in. In other words, a man who doesn’t understand what’s appropriate to bring up in an email with a new acquaintance, who doesn’t understand how distasteful a crude sexual come-0n would be to a new romantic interest–that man is not someone who is going to be someone you are going to enjoy being around in later years. He’s probably spent his entire life acting inappropriately in many areas–offending people, stalking people, getting fired for insubordination, making enemies, fighting with family members etc.

I’m going to piggy back on other’s comments regarding men.

They are NOT stupid.

They know that alot of women are creeped out by double innuendos
early on.

They also know how it feels when women start stating financial demands early in the game, example: that she won’t waste her time
on a man unless he makes over 100K + per year. Men can feel vulnerable to being used, as well….

So for them to this indelicate so soon in the process really bodes poorly for them….they KNOW that quality women will NOT put up with this behavior, and will tell them to go hang out at the neighborhood bar if that’s the extent of his interest.

“Nuff said.

Beyond that, I’m pretty vigilant about letting guys know they’ve made me uncomfortable. If it’s a small thing (a hint) I’ll hint back that it wasn’t welcome. If it’s overt and really over the line then I just walk away. IMO, A guy who brings up sex before we’ve met is not likely to be wanting more than a quick lay. I can do better.

So, to answer your question. If you feel he is crossing the line then say it. If he is a guy with a genuine interest in you he will appreciate your honesty. And if he doesn’t. Well, do you really want to date him anyway?

Oh yes, and you make a great point about the first red flag. You gave him your number and he never called. That says a lot as far as I’m concerned.

Sex too early in a relationship inhibits the development of the personal relationship. People who are so blatant about sex so early are basically saying they don’t care about the non-physical relationship.

If the person has other redeeming qualities, and you gave a warning, then at least you tried. It doesn’t matter if you are controlling or not, or a prude or not, you are who you are. You won’t find someone compatible if you start giving up your standards.

Regarding whether they have a right to know: If they ask, then tell them. We are all adults and don’t need to be spoon fed.

He didn’t, for just over a month, then I got an email from him telling me he still wanted to get to know me better. I informed him that my views on the subject hadn’t changed and if he wanted to get to know *me*, (personality vs sexuality) he needed to keep the conversations on that level. He managed one email without bringing his sexuality, his ability to “take you to heights you’ve never been before” (eeesh… cliché), etc, etc, etc. I told him that obviously things hadn’t changed and to not bother even responding to my email… that our “conversations” were over.

I think, if a man (or woman) crosses the line in anyway, the other person is well within their rights to say so. I’d rather be thought “controlling” and lose a contact than listen or read conversations that make me uncomfortable.

He was clearly throwing it out there to see what you’d do….imagine what he’d do on your first date? Bring pepper spray!

Men are not stupid (though many act that way…”what, I didn’t mean anything by that remark…”).

A guy like him, I’d probably ignore and not bother with again.