However, with online dating, it’s a crap shoot for sure. I’ve been a lot more disappointed with my dates I met online than any purchase I’ve ever made online. I think the commercials for e-harmony are VERY misleading to say the least. They give the impression that if you give them a try, then you are sure to find the right man or woman. I’m here to tell you that for every wonderful love story, there are probably three times as many disappointments with online dating.

My own experiences taught me that a lot of men are very fickle and simply do not know what they want. Even if they do know what they want and if they find someone who matches “all” of the criteria, it doesn’t mean they will be interested long-term. I had so many first dates that never panned out to anything more or I felt like I wasted a lot of time on phone calls and e-mails and messaging only to be put-off or bailed on later. Even though I don’t long to be with any of those guys I met online, I still have the battle scars from feeling lied to, mislead or otherwise “used” in some way. I ended up feeling discarded or like I didn’t measure up to their expectations in some way. There was a total of three guys I met who seemed interested in me and I was not in them.

Two of those guys came on way too strong and I felt no desire to get to know them further. I was also repulsed by their physical appearance…I won’t go into the details about that.

The third guy was nice enough looking but had basically no personality in person. He was also the guy who had told me that his sex skills were his “best trait”. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out how good they were though. I decided they couldn’t be good enough to outweigh his personality and conversational skills.

But, I was attracted to and willing to go out a 2nd or 3rd time with ALL of the others and that was within a 2-2 1/2 year period of online dating. I have not done the online dating stuff since January of this year and do not miss the turmoil of the process or wondering how good or bad the first meeting will be. Nor do I miss wondering if they will call or not if I feel there is some spark there.

I’m currently seeing someone locally. He is not without his own issues, but I’d take him in a heartbeat over some of the flakes I met from Yahoo or Match. I really do believe that meeting “the normal way” is the best way, but if you live in a rural area like I do, the odds for finding someone the normal way are greatly diminished. So, it was just another way to meet guys. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for me and I’m not sure that I’ll ever go back to online dating. I got burned too badly w/it.

P.S. Love the blog DG! I have recommended it to those that need insight.

If you are dating online, then I think it’s perfectly fine to put that you want something long-term. I think it’s fine to even put that you are looking for a life partner or marriage, but realize that some will pass you by simply because the word “marriage” scares them. If they feel that way, then you might not likely want them anyway.

There are sites for “casual” relationships or flings. I’d say if you are looking for casual sex or a no-strings attached relationship, don’t waste people’s time by putting your profile on the other legitimate dating sites. There are enough players on Match & Yahoo already.

If you are meeting someone via the normal way (set up, friend of friend, etc.), then I think it’s HIGHLY desirable to find out how suited you are to the other person BEFORE you go out. Find out if they are wanting long-term, marriage or friends or short-term only. If the guy is wanting kids and you do not, then it’s a waste of time to meet. I corresponded with a guy online who was 48 and claimed he still wanted kids. He had been married only briefly several years back. I was upfront that I was well into my 40’s and that babies were not in my future. He wanted to meet me anyway, and thinking that if we hit it off, MAYBE babies were not his top priority either. It was a big mistake. He was a nice enough looking guy, but I could tell that I did not do it for him physically speaking. He made no plans to get together again. We did correspond a time or two after that and he ended up telling me that it was not the “connection” he was looking for. I was somewhat hurt by his comments, but in our conversation he did say I was attractive but that he did not feel the right chemistry. I took it for what it was and gave him credit that he was honest. At the time I thought he was a bit hurtful in his comments but later realized that it took some substance to be forthcoming.

In the end though, I thought that the whole thing with the correspondence before and after (as well as the evening we met) could have all been avoided if I’d simply said “Look, you are wanting someone to give you children and if you are looking at 40-something women, then your chances are slim. Check out some 30-something women and good luck to you”. It would have saved me the grief of going through that and it would have saved him the drive to see me (2 hours). I felt like it was wasted time, but I did learn that it’s important to have some realistic expectations and boundaries when it comes to meeting men (online or otherwise). Sometimes it makes more sense to move on than waste your time meeting someone you know isn’t going to be a match.

I’ve learned some hard lessons with online dating. I wish I could spare others the pain I’ve experienced over the years, but we must all learn to take these life lessons in stride–hard as it may be at the time and hope for something better in the future.

The woman that said ““I am looking for someone to have wild, casual sex with, but without long-term attachment. I offer no-strings-attached, safe sex on an hour’s notice, and will promise to always call the next day.” If you call the next day that is strings… No strings means you only talk to set up sexual encounters to me.

I was very clear that I would TRY dating and only move forward emotionally and physically if my criteria were in synch with what he decided he wanted too AND he was moving in that direction actively.

BIG mistake in some ways, since he was already COMPLETELY determined to have the relationship; this meant that he took whatever measures neccessary to convince me he wanted what I wanted and would be estatic to live this way forever.
I think he even convinced himself he wanted what I said I needed too, sadly.

Needless to say, it resulted in EXACTLY what is predicted above in a number of posts:
Him resenting me and saying to himself: Hey, how did I get here? I’M NOT HAPPY with this life!

So, lay it on the line BEFORE any big desire on the others’ part to have the relationship has formed, or run the risk of it eventually going bad.

Here is one more comment. When I got divorced from my first husband, I then had a child from that marriage and most guys I dated assumed I “just want to get married” as quickly as possible. And I would say, I do want to get married, but to the right person. So when women have children at home, that is another thing that throws a wrench in things.

That’s exactly what my current partner told me. She told me exactly what she wants out of this relationship. Although it may feel pressured initially, but if you really like that person, you will surely work towards meeting those goals of your partner. Eventually, this will make an even more enduring relationship.