You’ve been dating a special guy for a while and have had several sexual romps. But you find yourself less than satisfied, even though you’ve giving lots of feedback on what’s working for you when you’re in the act.
Rather than declaring that you’re sexually incompatible, you decide to see if you can discuss adjustments before you get naked together again.
This is not an easy conversation to start, as most people are pretty sensitive about their sexual prowess. No one likes to hear that their special moves aren’t doing it for you, yet if you don’t speak up there’s no chance anything will change.
So how do you broach this sensitive topic?
Timing is key. Find a time when you’re alone together and in a relaxed setting, like in one of your homes, with the TV off so you aren’t distracted.
Next, choose your words carefully. Start with something like, “I have some ideas on how we could sexually pleasure each other more. Is this a good time to share them?” His ears will probably perk up. When he says yes, then proceed with your observations and ideas.
“I really like making love with you and want it to be fabulous every time. We’re learning what turns the other on. I wish we all came with a sexual owner’s manual so we could explain just how to get our engine revved. But since we don’t, and since everyone’s body responds to different things, I think it would be useful to help each other know what we like. I know we could do this through signals we give when we’re making love, but I think it would be even clearer if we shared those things ahead of time. Then we won’t waste time doing what really doesn’t work for the other.”
See where this leads. If he’s interested in engaging in the discussion, wonderful. If not, maybe you’re incompatible — and not just sexually.
Have you had discussions like this? How did you start them? Did it help you have more happiness in the sack?
(You may also be interested in the posting, “How dating sex is like waffles.”)
Want to read more on what to expect with dating sex? Get your copy of From Fear to Frolic: Get Naked Without Getting Embarrassed.