Comments on: Scotomas in dating

By: Deborah

Deborah — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:17:19 +0000

The question “would you be happy in 5 years if nothing changed” is a good one. So many times we decide to overlook something that’s not really ok with us, then after some time goes by we realize that it has snowballed to many things that aren’t a good match. Maybe they really aren’t treating us well, and/or we are not better with them than without them. Possibly asking ourselves early on “would I be happy in 5 years if nothing changed” as you mentioned; might stop the compromise before the emotional attachment has blinded us.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 05:15:37 +0000

What helps me is to be clear about what it is I need, and to ask for it. If he responds and does that thing, he’s caring about me in a way I need. I used to over analzye him, the situation and in that process, would loose track of me and what I wanted and needed. As long as streamline it by directly asking for what I need, it makes everything so much easier for me.

By: Becky

Becky — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 21:12:55 +0000

I think the old saying “love is blind” probably applies here. Much of the time when we’re so enamored of another we just don’t see their faults at first. We overlook way too much in the name of love. But, usually, after a while, we begin to have our vision unclouded and can see things a bit more clearly. It takes a while, and hopefully, it isn’t too late when we do begin to see the light. There are a lot of toxic people out there – men and women both – and we should all have a list of the traits that we can’t put up with. When things in a relationship just don’t add up; and questions arise that we cannot answer easily – is when we need to take a stand, clear the air, and move on. A lot of us have a hard time doing just this and tend to stay in stagnant relationships long after their expiration date.