Scantily clothed pictures

by Dating Goddess on October 19, 2007

A gal pal new to online dating asked me:

scantily clothed man“What does it mean when a man offers to send you scantily clad pictures, and you haven’t even talked to him on the phone yet, let alone met?”

“Sex.”

“Say more.”

“When people want to exchange nearly nude — or even nude — pictures, I’ve found it means they are looking for sex, not a relationship. It’s common among that crowd to exchange nude pictures — sometimes just shots of key parts! Since they are only looking for intimate encounters, it really doesn’t matter what the rest of you looks like. They just want to make sure the equipment is to their liking.”

“No!”

“Yep. One friend showed me a site where people post nude pics with their face cropped off.”

“Amazing.”

“Where did you meet this guy?”

Yahoo Personals.”

“This is a bit unusual for a YP contact, but not unexpected. There are other sites that cater to sexual hookups.”

“This guy also asked if I had ‘additional pics’ to share, even though I have 8 posted on the site.”

“He was wanting nude shots, and wanted to see if you’d know what he was talking about.”

“So should I continue to communicate with this guy?”

“Only if you are looking for a sex-only encounter. By the way, I’ve also had men ask me my bra size in the second email, and one sent me a list of questions he wanted me to answer, including intimate details. So these guys let their intentions be known early on, even if they aren’t explicit in their profile saying they want a sex-only encounter.”

Have you experienced inquiries from men who got too intimate too soon? How did you deal with them?

BTW, that is a pic of Bernie Barker, who Guinness dubbed the oldest male stripper before he passed away last March at age 66.

Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

LA October 19, 2007 at 4:16 pm

People wanting sex only relationships are quite common on the online dating sites. Actually, they are quite common everywhere. I am surprised that a person would be naive about such a thing. I think the majority of people on the dating sites are just looking for hookups (I am not being negative, just the cold hard facts). It is like catalog shopping.

Catherine October 19, 2007 at 11:45 pm

Unfortunately this is very true these days. When I first started dating online about 10 years ago, I met nice respectable men that really wanted to have a dating relationship. This meant that we started with coffee or some other shorter date and progressed to dinner and activity dates. Rarely did they make any type of inappropriate comment or advance. Today it is completely different. I have had one guy within 30 seconds of an initial IM start asking inappropriate questions and my mother was reading over my shoulder! My profile talks about my committments to church and family, and gives no unintended clues that I am looking for a easy sexual relationship, but that doesn’t seem to matter in this “anything goes” society we live in today.

As for how I deal with them, it may sound “old fashioned” but I come right out and get indignant and say “What kind of woman do you think I am??? If you are looking for an easy lay, look somewhere else!” Then I cut off contact with them. I have had several try to apologize, but I think they showed their true selves right off the bat, and I just don’t want to be treated that way from someone I don’t even know.

One of the things I love about this blog is that it gives me hope that there are nice guys out there and that at least Dating Goddess runs across a gentleman every once and a while. All I can say is one hasn’t crossed my path in a long long time.

Christine October 20, 2007 at 10:38 am

At the risk of sounding like a giddy school girl, I find this photo flashing by some men really hysterical! To these guys I say, know your audience! Don’t pull your favorite nekkid shots out of the vault unless asked. Me? I prefer a little mystery and the element of surprise when it comes to the whole package!

Gatti October 21, 2007 at 3:49 am

I didn’t even want to see beach shots when I was dating. My deviso: Until I’m used to looking at your face I do NOT want to see your chest!!!!!

greendaze44 October 21, 2007 at 10:37 pm

I am so glad to hear other people have had this problem too. I keep reading in this site about DG having nice wonderful dates from meetin people online and I have not had that experience.

I signed up for Yahoo Personals last month and all the guys that were decent looking and I e-mailed, never e-mailed me back. I think they were made up for decoys. The only ones that e-mailed me we not very attractive or they didn’t have a picture available. When I asked for one from them, they usually didn’t e-mail back. I had several get onto my yahoo e-mail while I was online wanting to chat. A picture was not attached to that either. I would ask for one and they always had some excuse as to why they didn’t have one, like I just joined today. One said all he had was a cam. Wanted to know if I had a cam and some dirty pictures. I said no and signed off and immediately went to Yahoo Personals and discontiued my one month membership that I had only been a part of for 2 weeks. I had had enough.

I did notice that DG has her recommended dating online sites and I may try one of those eventually. I got a bad tast in my mouth after that 2 week stint.

I do want to say that my mother who lives in CA. dated online and met a guy that she has been with for about 5 years now and is married too, who is a wonderful, successful, good looking guy. So I know good things can happen, but I’m still a bit leary about how to go about it when I’m not going for the sex only part.

Dating Goddess October 21, 2007 at 10:57 pm

Greendaze:

I don’t want it to seem that every man I’ve encountered online has been a perfect gentleman. Far from it. As I said it “Men behaving badly” there is plenty of bad behavior out there because there are so many people who wouldn’t be dating the natural way. The reason I think I’ve encountered lots of great guys — just not great for me — is I’ve learned how to weed out a lot of the jerks before meeting them. I make sure I have some email exchanges, then a few phone calls before I agree to even a coffee date. And I rarely start with dinner — as shown in “Lessons from a bad date” that could be gruesome if the guy is not properly vetted.

So, Greendaze, I’m glad my experiences have given you hope. But I’ve had not-so-good experiences, but I’ve learned to have them create more wisdom and how to avoid most of them in the future.

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