Comments on: Review of “The Spiritual Rules of Engagement”

By: Sharpchick

Sharpchick — Sat, 24 May 2008 17:45:56 +0000

Perhaps I have misinterpreted what I’ve read in the review of the book. And I think I may be a bit of an anamoly here. Any man I am willing to spend time with is someone I consider to be my friend. I don’t expect my friends to cater to me, and it sounds as if that’s an underlying theme in this book. I’ve not read the book, but from what I’ve seen posted here, I’m not sure I’d enjoy it.

Friendships are for me living and ever-changing – and the best ones are mutually beneficial. . . a balance of give AND take, because each of us cares for the other. I don’t think I could be friends for long with someone whose interest in the relationship was what I could do “for them.”
Respect is a two way street and I believe that both partners in any relationship are wise to remember that.

By: ManFromGermany

ManFromGermany — Sat, 24 May 2008 13:01:10 +0000

A comment from the male perspective: Being cautious and going slowly with a man probably is very good advice for a woman. After all, you don’t know this other person. From my experience, you only get to know someone after a couple of years. There are dumb guys and girls, nasty people, habitual liars, and a lot more. Then there are people you can depend on. You can’t really know until you know this person for a couple of years.
People in the past weren’t as stupid and strange as some depict them today. Woman were often very careful when deciding about marriage. Nowadays some woman just jump into bed with every moderately clever guy. That is clearly stupid. If a man does not court you for an extended period of time, he is not in it for the long run.
Whether it is your prospective husband or business partner, check that person for a couple of years until you entrust that person something significant.
Also, having a qualification and an own life clearly is the right thing. Maybe you will need it if your husband decides to dump you.
And, I also know of a woman (my sister, PHD in biology) who earns the money for the family, because the husband basically is a bit lazy and inflexible. Maybe feminism means that the wife earns the money ?

By: Angela

Angela — Fri, 23 May 2008 21:55:33 +0000

My favorite book at this time is called, ALL MEN ARE JERKS, TILL PROVEN OTHERWISE. I may have even got the recommendation for that book on this site. Anyway, it has really helped me to remember that a man needs to prove himself worthy of me and more than in just the “honeymoon” stage. It is also very supportive in telling women to “get a life”. Men are more interested in women who have other things to do besides their man.
My favorite saying also is, “Don’t make someone a priority, who considers you an option.” One date with a man and most women already have their whole life planned out. The man is only thinking of the next 10 minutes or how he is going to get laid that night by you. Just relax and have some fun. And when a man moves on, move on too. Believe me, he’s not thinking back about how you were the best thing he ever had and just didn’t realize it. They have moved on!

By: PreviouslyQueenofE

PreviouslyQueenofE — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:17:46 +0000

Ellen, I’m totally in agreement with what you say. AND I have found that sometimes I can solicit help if it makes someone else feel good about themselves, even though I don’t need it. One of my best friends has this talent of making everyone else feel good about themselves, without sacrificing her self or being a victim or anything, and it’s wonderful being with her.

DG – I have an equal number of friends on both sides of whelmed by the Eat Pray Love book, and I guess it spoke to my condition at the time. Who knows how I’ll feel when I read it again? ANd of course you are correct, we learn from everything, else what’s the point? thanks so much for posting this blog. My sister is just re-entering the dating world at 40+ and I’ve tried to send her to this blog, as she is pretty much re-enacting every thing I’ve gone through in the past five or so years. I have found your posts insightful and reassuring, I wasn’t doing this in a vacuum and other women have felt the same, so THANK YOU! Cheers and hugs as always!

By: Ellen

Ellen — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:52:46 +0000

It stsill seems manipulative to me. I know it’s hard to switch from being a powerful do-it-yourself woman to being with a guy and letting him be “the man,” but this all still sounds like I am acting. How about we just treat the guys like we would a good friend that we’re getting to know, not going overboard in doing things for them but respecting a new friendship. I know guys like to be appreciated and enjoy doing things for us, but being totally the receiver and never the giver just doesn’t seem right to me. I vote for getting to know each other slowly, revealing who I am slowly, allowing them space and time to show us who they are, letting them know we are enjoying their company, and still keeping our own lives going as we like. Maybe it’s all just the Golden Rule, to treat someone as I would want to be treated, with respect and care and love. I know guys love the chase and being a little hard to get might be enticing, but let’s not go so far as not to be ourselves with them.

xo Ellen
http://www.wonderfulonlinewomenLA.com