Comments on: Review of “The Spiritual Rules of Engagement” http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:56:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Sharpchick http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2871 Sharpchick Sat, 24 May 2008 17:45:56 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2871 Perhaps I have misinterpreted what I've read in the review of the book. And I think I may be a bit of an anamoly here. Any man I am willing to spend time with is someone I consider to be my friend. I don't expect my friends to cater to me, and it sounds as if that's an underlying theme in this book. I've not read the book, but from what I've seen posted here, I'm not sure I'd enjoy it. Friendships are for me living and ever-changing - and the best ones are mutually beneficial. . . a balance of give AND take, because each of us cares for the other. I don't think I could be friends for long with someone whose interest in the relationship was what I could do "for them." Respect is a two way street and I believe that both partners in any relationship are wise to remember that. Perhaps I have misinterpreted what I’ve read in the review of the book. And I think I may be a bit of an anamoly here. Any man I am willing to spend time with is someone I consider to be my friend. I don’t expect my friends to cater to me, and it sounds as if that’s an underlying theme in this book. I’ve not read the book, but from what I’ve seen posted here, I’m not sure I’d enjoy it.

Friendships are for me living and ever-changing - and the best ones are mutually beneficial. . . a balance of give AND take, because each of us cares for the other. I don’t think I could be friends for long with someone whose interest in the relationship was what I could do “for them.”
Respect is a two way street and I believe that both partners in any relationship are wise to remember that.

]]> By: ManFromGermany http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2870 ManFromGermany Sat, 24 May 2008 13:01:10 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2870 A comment from the male perspective: Being cautious and going slowly with a man probably is very good advice for a woman. After all, you don't know this other person. From my experience, you only get to know someone after a couple of years. There are dumb guys and girls, nasty people, habitual liars, and a lot more. Then there are people you can depend on. You can't really know until you know this person for a couple of years. People in the past weren't as stupid and strange as some depict them today. Woman were often very careful when deciding about marriage. Nowadays some woman just jump into bed with every moderately clever guy. That is clearly stupid. If a man does not court you for an extended period of time, he is not in it for the long run. Whether it is your prospective husband or business partner, check that person for a couple of years until you entrust that person something significant. Also, having a qualification and an own life clearly is the right thing. Maybe you will need it if your husband decides to dump you. And, I also know of a woman (my sister, PHD in biology) who earns the money for the family, because the husband basically is a bit lazy and inflexible. Maybe feminism means that the wife earns the money ? A comment from the male perspective: Being cautious and going slowly with a man probably is very good advice for a woman. After all, you don’t know this other person. From my experience, you only get to know someone after a couple of years. There are dumb guys and girls, nasty people, habitual liars, and a lot more. Then there are people you can depend on. You can’t really know until you know this person for a couple of years.
People in the past weren’t as stupid and strange as some depict them today. Woman were often very careful when deciding about marriage. Nowadays some woman just jump into bed with every moderately clever guy. That is clearly stupid. If a man does not court you for an extended period of time, he is not in it for the long run.
Whether it is your prospective husband or business partner, check that person for a couple of years until you entrust that person something significant.
Also, having a qualification and an own life clearly is the right thing. Maybe you will need it if your husband decides to dump you.
And, I also know of a woman (my sister, PHD in biology) who earns the money for the family, because the husband basically is a bit lazy and inflexible. Maybe feminism means that the wife earns the money ?

]]> By: Angela http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2869 Angela Fri, 23 May 2008 21:55:33 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2869 My favorite book at this time is called, ALL MEN ARE JERKS, TILL PROVEN OTHERWISE. I may have even got the recommendation for that book on this site. Anyway, it has really helped me to remember that a man needs to prove himself worthy of me and more than in just the "honeymoon" stage. It is also very supportive in telling women to "get a life". Men are more interested in women who have other things to do besides their man. My favorite saying also is, "Don't make someone a priority, who considers you an option." One date with a man and most women already have their whole life planned out. The man is only thinking of the next 10 minutes or how he is going to get laid that night by you. Just relax and have some fun. And when a man moves on, move on too. Believe me, he's not thinking back about how you were the best thing he ever had and just didn't realize it. They have moved on! My favorite book at this time is called, ALL MEN ARE JERKS, TILL PROVEN OTHERWISE. I may have even got the recommendation for that book on this site. Anyway, it has really helped me to remember that a man needs to prove himself worthy of me and more than in just the “honeymoon” stage. It is also very supportive in telling women to “get a life”. Men are more interested in women who have other things to do besides their man.
My favorite saying also is, “Don’t make someone a priority, who considers you an option.” One date with a man and most women already have their whole life planned out. The man is only thinking of the next 10 minutes or how he is going to get laid that night by you. Just relax and have some fun. And when a man moves on, move on too. Believe me, he’s not thinking back about how you were the best thing he ever had and just didn’t realize it. They have moved on!

]]> By: PreviouslyQueenofE http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2866 PreviouslyQueenofE Thu, 22 May 2008 01:17:46 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2866 Ellen, I'm totally in agreement with what you say. AND I have found that sometimes I can solicit help if it makes someone else feel good about themselves, even though I don't need it. One of my best friends has this talent of making everyone else feel good about themselves, without sacrificing her self or being a victim or anything, and it's wonderful being with her. DG - I have an equal number of friends on both sides of whelmed by the Eat Pray Love book, and I guess it spoke to my condition at the time. Who knows how I'll feel when I read it again? ANd of course you are correct, we learn from everything, else what's the point? thanks so much for posting this blog. My sister is just re-entering the dating world at 40+ and I've tried to send her to this blog, as she is pretty much re-enacting every thing I've gone through in the past five or so years. I have found your posts insightful and reassuring, I wasn't doing this in a vacuum and other women have felt the same, so THANK YOU! Cheers and hugs as always! Ellen, I’m totally in agreement with what you say. AND I have found that sometimes I can solicit help if it makes someone else feel good about themselves, even though I don’t need it. One of my best friends has this talent of making everyone else feel good about themselves, without sacrificing her self or being a victim or anything, and it’s wonderful being with her.

DG - I have an equal number of friends on both sides of whelmed by the Eat Pray Love book, and I guess it spoke to my condition at the time. Who knows how I’ll feel when I read it again? ANd of course you are correct, we learn from everything, else what’s the point? thanks so much for posting this blog. My sister is just re-entering the dating world at 40+ and I’ve tried to send her to this blog, as she is pretty much re-enacting every thing I’ve gone through in the past five or so years. I have found your posts insightful and reassuring, I wasn’t doing this in a vacuum and other women have felt the same, so THANK YOU! Cheers and hugs as always!

]]> By: Ellen http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2865 Ellen Wed, 21 May 2008 21:52:46 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2865 It stsill seems manipulative to me. I know it's hard to switch from being a powerful do-it-yourself woman to being with a guy and letting him be "the man," but this all still sounds like I am acting. How about we just treat the guys like we would a good friend that we're getting to know, not going overboard in doing things for them but respecting a new friendship. I know guys like to be appreciated and enjoy doing things for us, but being totally the receiver and never the giver just doesn't seem right to me. I vote for getting to know each other slowly, revealing who I am slowly, allowing them space and time to show us who they are, letting them know we are enjoying their company, and still keeping our own lives going as we like. Maybe it's all just the Golden Rule, to treat someone as I would want to be treated, with respect and care and love. I know guys love the chase and being a little hard to get might be enticing, but let's not go so far as not to be ourselves with them. xo Ellen www.wonderfulonlinewomenLA.com It stsill seems manipulative to me. I know it’s hard to switch from being a powerful do-it-yourself woman to being with a guy and letting him be “the man,” but this all still sounds like I am acting. How about we just treat the guys like we would a good friend that we’re getting to know, not going overboard in doing things for them but respecting a new friendship. I know guys like to be appreciated and enjoy doing things for us, but being totally the receiver and never the giver just doesn’t seem right to me. I vote for getting to know each other slowly, revealing who I am slowly, allowing them space and time to show us who they are, letting them know we are enjoying their company, and still keeping our own lives going as we like. Maybe it’s all just the Golden Rule, to treat someone as I would want to be treated, with respect and care and love. I know guys love the chase and being a little hard to get might be enticing, but let’s not go so far as not to be ourselves with them.

xo Ellen
http://www.wonderfulonlinewomenLA.com

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2864 Dating Goddess Wed, 21 May 2008 01:17:07 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2864 Bookyone: I like how you put it, "being your authentic self while engaging in relationship foreplay." PreviouslyQueen:I pretty much use *every* episode to learn and grow! That's what life's about, isn't it? Yes, I've read Eat, Pray, Love, and frankly was a bit underwhelmed by it. I reviewed it here some months ago. Bookyone: I like how you put it, “being your authentic self while engaging in relationship foreplay.”

PreviouslyQueen:I pretty much use *every* episode to learn and grow! That’s what life’s about, isn’t it?

Yes, I’ve read Eat, Pray, Love, and frankly was a bit underwhelmed by it. I reviewed it here some months ago.

]]> By: PreviouslyQueenofE http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2863 PreviouslyQueenofE Wed, 21 May 2008 00:36:19 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2863 DG, at first read I gagged a bit (I'm SO not into game playing or manipulation) but upon reflection and remembering how my recent relationships have played out (including the happy one I'm in right now), there are valid points here. We will only be treated as well as we truly believe we deserve. Like you, I've been flexible and accommodating and called it all kinds of things (experiencing new relationship behaviors/tolerance/etc etc) and those never worked. In this relationship, I find my beloved is more attentive, more attuned, when I am more absorbed in whatever I'm into - I'm an active racing sailor, for instance, and he finds me most attractive when I'm focused on my sailing - and not on him!!! That makes it sound like he's a demanding two year old, but he's not demanding my attention - he is admiring from a distance until I slow down enough for him to catch me with a hug and kiss. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase, but it works. The happier we as women are, doing what we like to do, the more attractive we are to the right kind of men, the healthy ones we want in our lives. And asking for what we want, sometimes asking for help we DON'T need, makes them feel good and needed. I'm sure it works both ways, in fact I know it does. It sounds like you're using your most recent escapade to learn and grow, happy discovery to you! I referred to my less-than-satisfactory boyfriends as 'growth opportunities'. Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love?" It's a great book, I think. cheers and hugs, pqoe DG, at first read I gagged a bit (I’m SO not into game playing or manipulation) but upon reflection and remembering how my recent relationships have played out (including the happy one I’m in right now), there are valid points here. We will only be treated as well as we truly believe we deserve. Like you, I’ve been flexible and accommodating and called it all kinds of things (experiencing new relationship behaviors/tolerance/etc etc) and those never worked. In this relationship, I find my beloved is more attentive, more attuned, when I am more absorbed in whatever I’m into - I’m an active racing sailor, for instance, and he finds me most attractive when I’m focused on my sailing - and not on him!!! That makes it sound like he’s a demanding two year old, but he’s not demanding my attention - he is admiring from a distance until I slow down enough for him to catch me with a hug and kiss. Maybe it’s the thrill of the chase, but it works. The happier we as women are, doing what we like to do, the more attractive we are to the right kind of men, the healthy ones we want in our lives. And asking for what we want, sometimes asking for help we DON’T need, makes them feel good and needed. I’m sure it works both ways, in fact I know it does.

It sounds like you’re using your most recent escapade to learn and grow, happy discovery to you! I referred to my less-than-satisfactory boyfriends as ‘growth opportunities’. Have you read “Eat, Pray, Love?” It’s a great book, I think. cheers and hugs,
pqoe

]]> By: bookyone http://www.datinggoddess.com/review-of-the-spiritual-rules-of-engagement/comment-page-1/#comment-2862 bookyone Tue, 20 May 2008 16:32:00 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1299#comment-2862 Hi DG, Thanks for the book recommendation; it sounds like this guy is on the right track when it comes to building relationships. "The Rules" and other such game playing/manipulative behaviors, as you said, are for the birds, but being your authentic self while engaging in relationship foreplay, as it were, makes good sense to me. I'll have to check it out. :) Hugs from bookyone :) Hi DG,

Thanks for the book recommendation; it sounds like this guy is on the right track when it comes to building relationships. “The Rules” and other such game playing/manipulative behaviors, as you said, are for the birds, but being your authentic self while engaging in relationship foreplay, as it were, makes good sense to me. I’ll have to check it out. :)

Hugs from bookyone :)

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