Review of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating”

41ejv3qrcl_sl500_aa240_The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating by Dale Koppel, PhD.

Dr. Koppel has combined two short books in one. In fact, she’s printed her book so you read it one way to get her story, then you turn the book upside down and you get her advice. But she repeats large parts in both sections, so really it’s more like 1.5 books.

Despite dating over 100 men in three years before finding her Mr. Right, her advice is really pretty light on how to navigate the online dating game. In fact, she recommends lying in your profile. Her logic makes sense and she says she discloses her lies quickly in email, phone or the first meeting. She was nearly 60 when she began her quest, but she put her age at 57 to make herself searchable to men in her target age group. This is a common online dating strategy, but I think it makes the man wonder, “What else is she lying about?” Some even asked her that outright.

She also lied about where she lived and her drinking preferences. Again, she had logical reasons why she chose to lie. The logic makes sense, but I don’t support lying in profiles. But then I’ve not had to deal with the reasons she chose to lie, so I can’t say what I’d do in similar circumstances.

I’m unclear why this is “the intelligent woman’s guide” since some of her advice does not sound like an intelligent woman’s decision making. For example, she shares her cavalier attitude about asking her lovers about STDs, getting blood tests and using condoms. While each person has to make their own decisions about these issues, I think it’s irresponsible for an author — who is then considered an “expert” by the media — to say, “I let the man decide if he wants to use a condom or not.” That is essentially endorsing unsafe sex and letting someone else decide if you will contract a deadly disease. Spencer Lieb, senior epidemiologist at the Bureau of HIV/AIDS at the Florida Department of Health, states “the number of HIV and AIDS patients in the over-50 crowd nationwide had grown in recent years.” I think we who have a platform need to encourage only safe sex practices, no matter what we chose to do in our own relationships. Disclosing that you’ve only used a condom once with a series of lovers is irresponsible to readers, even if it’s true.

The thing we agree on is to look at each interaction as a learning experience and to use them to grow.

For people who like reading other people’s dating stories, I suppose this can be an interesting read. But for those wanting more solid, extensive advice on how to navigate online dating sites, I’m afraid there are other more useful resources.

_________________

Winning at the Online Dating Game: Stack the Deck in Your FavorWinning at the Online Dating Game: Stack the Deck in Your Favor shares strategies, examples and stories for understanding and utilizing dating sites. Download yours now.

Comments

4 responses to “Review of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating””

  1. maria rose Avatar

    i have been trying for years to find a suitable partner to share my life with since i have been put out to pasture for being over the age of 50 i do value myself so i do not consider casual relationships i.e. sex for the fun of it =all women should do this and we wouldn’t be worrying about feeling used and cheap

  2. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Interesting. I met a man a couple years ago who lied about his age (he was actually 71 and said he was 60), and I was 50 at the time. BUT he did let me know early on about the fib and his reasons for it. He said most women think a man is almost as good as dead over 60. I never agreed with that. What is most interesting to me is that I did understand where he was coming from, to a certain degree. My search limit was 60 years old and to have missed meeting him would have been quite unfortunate for both of us. We ended up having a very lovely eight-month relationship where he introduced me to a lifestyle I would have never encountered had I not met him including a trip to the Florida Keys where he had a place and restaurants I had never dreamed of going before. In many ways, he enriched my life, and I am very glad I met him.

  3. Mitsy Avatar
    Mitsy

    Hmm..from what I’ve read here, this woman doesn’t sound intelligent or savvy about online dating. She sounds just as off-center as some of the men I dated when I was doing online dating. For starters, I don’t do casual sex, and I was never looking for a guy who was into that as a recreational sport. Secondly, if she isn’t insisting upon her casual sex partner using a condom, then I can’t say I’d have an ounce of sympathy for her if she did contract a STD. How stupid can she be? I wouldn’t buy her book. I could write one better myself.

  4. Mitsy Avatar
    Mitsy

    Hmm..from what I’ve read here, this woman doesn’t sound intelligent or savvy about online dating. She sounds just as off-center as some of the men I dated when I was doing online dating. For starters, I don’t do casual sex, and I was never looking for a guy who was into that as a recreational sport. Secondly, if she isn’t insisting upon her casual sex partner using a condom, then I can’t say I’d have an ounce of sympathy for her if she did contract a STD. How stupid can she be? I wouldn’t buy her book. I could write one better myself.

    Online dating is full of confused men and players (who are also likely confused). This woman might be exactly what those men are searching for (in that age bracket). For myself, I don’t find lying about pertinent info such as age and where you live as a plausible reason for lying. If you have an up-to-date photo, no one can accuse you of stretching the truth. Either you look your age or you look older or younger. Lying for any reason doesn’t make up for the fact that their profile was not accurate. As someone who does not go for a lot older men, I would be hopping mad if a guy said he was a lot younger than what he actually was.