I think what Hunter is saying is that a woman shouldn’t hide behind a general term like RESPECT. They need to be specific about what they don’t like. She was just ditching you Hunter, and blaming you at the same time. (you are better off)

I didn’t read Hunter’s request as aggressive, but in fact reasonable. I find people have such differences in their definitions of what you’d think are commonly understood words, it doesn’t hurt to understand each other’s definition. I think his point was that she couldn’t even explain what she meant.

However, what one other poster said about loving yourself is true. If you need counseling in order to get to that point, then just do it. It may not guarantee you a man in your life, but it will make you feel like you are worth something as a human being. How can you find someone to love you if you don’t even like yourself?

And, quite frankly, I actually love the freedom I have by living alone with my 2 kitties. I would think always needing someone around would be a dismal existence. I think solace is good for the soul, even if it means a TV running in the background sometimes. :0

In the case of bookyone, I’d suggest she get counseling or at least look into the very powerful method, EFT, which she can use alone or with a practitioner to free herself of her limited beliefs about herself, men, and relationships (there’s a free EFT manual offered online from the founder, Gary Craig. Key his name into a search engine, and it’ll come right up).

You can be the most physically unattractive person in the room, yet attract love, lust, and admiration if you feel good about yourself, bookyone. Yes! Are you up for it?

Write a list of the things you have going for you (sense of humor, kindness, singing, gardening, whatever). Make a list of the compliments you’ve gotten over the years. Stop telling yourself you’re ugly. Look at your body objectively: What does it have going for it? Coltish ankles, maybe? Long fingers?

Start treating yourself as you want a lover to treat you. Take yourself out for something nice (not necessarily expensive but nice). Stop telling yourself you can’t have things you want. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers and put them in a vase where you’ll see them often. Take special care with your hands, feet, hair, and face.

Remember the actress from “Throw Momma From the Train?” She was one of the most unpretty women in Hollywood, yet her career thrived and she had a husband who loved her. When she was asked her secret, she said something to the effect of, “I may not be pretty on the outside, but I’m beautiful on the inside.”

Start feeling beautiful on the inside. People will notice.

Also make an effort to like being alone. People who can’t be by themselves get into all sorts of bad situations. Begin to love your own company.

I do love mine.

No, I don’t think other people are ugly. The standards I apply to myself I don’t ever apply to others. Strange, perhaps, but it’s the way I am. After being told something often enough, you internalize it and then you believe it. Will check out the books you mentioned, though, as I’m a big reader.

As regards men, maybe it’s just been my bad luck or misfortune to encounter the ass clowns of the world or whatever, but every guy I’ve ever met has told me point blank that he’d trade me in in a heartbeat for a pretty woman (eventually they all did). What does that say about men and physical appearance? IMHO they put a much greater priority on it than either I or my female freinds do. Even my guy friends (and they’re the nice guys I know, not the self centered jerks) have admitted to me that if they had to choose between an attractive woman and a homely one, they’d choose the beauty hands down.

If i had the time and the money I’d change every single part of myself, head to toe, and maybe then I’d look good enough to land a nice guy. I HATE being alone with a passion!!!

Best wishes from bookyone

I agree with this, as I’ve been disrespected by every guy I’ve ever dated at one time or another but I stayed with them anyhow because I felt I didn’t deserve to be treated better. I still don’t feel like I deserve a good guy, not because I’m not a good person, I like to think I am, but because I’m physically ugly, which, as everyone knows, is the kiss of death for a woman, as, no matter how smart, kind and loving you are, if the face you present to the world is a gargoyle’s, then you’re going to get what you deserve from others, which is pity at best, and disrespect at worst. It’s a good thing I’m single, as I don’t need any man to call me names and tell me how ugly and worthless I am, I can look in the mirror and see that for myself.

Best wishes from bokyone