Comments on: Promise or possibility? http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/ Dating over 40 advice by the Dating Goddess™, who dated 101 men after her 20-year marriage ended. Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:49:54 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Samantha http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5408 Samantha Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:02:32 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5408 Well, if he asked you to figure out the date.... sounds like he's not serious about his search at all. Well, if he asked you to figure out the date…. sounds like he’s not serious about his search at all.

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5406 Dating Goddess Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:08:58 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5406 Samantha: Thanks for your thoughts. No, there was no mention of music during our coffee, and I don't know a good place off the top of my head. I threw out a few that I'd heard of nearby but haven't been to. So I can't imagine he'd think I was an expert. And yes, I asked sweetly and he seemed agreeable to searching. and if he was put off, I doubt he would have called the next night. So another one goes "poof"! Catherine: I didn't get the sense he was lazy. In fact, he's rather ambitious generally. So don't know what happened. Oh well. At some point, I can't spend much energy wondering and just have to know that if they're interested they know how ot contact me. Meanwhile I had a great lunch date with #94. We had a lot in common. He said he'll call me before I leave on Thurs. so we'll see where this one goes. Samantha: Thanks for your thoughts. No, there was no mention of music during our coffee, and I don’t know a good place off the top of my head. I threw out a few that I’d heard of nearby but haven’t been to. So I can’t imagine he’d think I was an expert. And yes, I asked sweetly and he seemed agreeable to searching. and if he was put off, I doubt he would have called the next night. So another one goes “poof”!

Catherine: I didn’t get the sense he was lazy. In fact, he’s rather ambitious generally. So don’t know what happened. Oh well. At some point, I can’t spend much energy wondering and just have to know that if they’re interested they know how ot contact me.

Meanwhile I had a great lunch date with #94. We had a lot in common. He said he’ll call me before I leave on Thurs. so we’ll see where this one goes.

]]> By: Catherine http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5402 Catherine Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:26:32 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5402 I've seen this before too. The guy is a one hit wonder, meaning he has one idea for a date, and once that has passed, looks to the woman to plan everything going forward. It isn't so bad if they just need a push in the right direction, like "Let's go to a museum" and then you discuss the museums in the area that would interest both of you, and then HE does the research to see which one is open at the time you wanted to get together. I don't mind that kind of "date planning assistance". When you have to come up with the idea, time, place and sometimes even pay, major red flags should be going off! This man is either lazy or clueles, neither one is an attractive feature in a potenial beau. I’ve seen this before too. The guy is a one hit wonder, meaning he has one idea for a date, and once that has passed, looks to the woman to plan everything going forward. It isn’t so bad if they just need a push in the right direction, like “Let’s go to a museum” and then you discuss the museums in the area that would interest both of you, and then HE does the research to see which one is open at the time you wanted to get together. I don’t mind that kind of “date planning assistance”.

When you have to come up with the idea, time, place and sometimes even pay, major red flags should be going off! This man is either lazy or clueles, neither one is an attractive feature in a potenial beau.

]]> By: Samantha http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5395 Samantha Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:32:10 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5395 I would say to listen to your gut. If you think you may have done or said something to scare him off, or if anything is tugging at you here, you could always write to him and say 'I hope I didnt come across blah blah blah... I appreciate that you were wanting me to pick, but I'm busy right now'..... or if your gut/content of your date conversation tells you otherwise, chalk it up to HIS LOSS! I would say to listen to your gut. If you think you may have done or said something to scare him off, or if anything is tugging at you here, you could always write to him and say ‘I hope I didnt come across blah blah blah… I appreciate that you were wanting me to pick, but I’m busy right now’….. or if your gut/content of your date conversation tells you otherwise, chalk it up to HIS LOSS!

]]> By: Samantha http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5394 Samantha Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:28:02 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5394 Were the two of you discussing music on your date? Did he get the impression that you were the more informed one for knowing where to go and who to see? Not that you were trying to give that impression, but that may have been his impression if you came across as someone in the know about this activity. If that's the case he would have asked you to let him know where to go in order to make sure you guys went just exactly where you wanted to go. If it's not possible he had that impression of you, then asking you was just plain lazy. He may have been testing you to see how much work you would do. I think I've mentioned this before, but a lot of men attracted to online dating have too many other people to meet and might not give you a chance. Or, he COULD have been scared off by your assertiveness, if it wasn't asked sweetly... Wording things just right sometimes could do the trick. If you said 'I'd appreciate it if you would' may have scared him off....'saying.. 'wondering, would you mind'... may have had a touch of sweetness to it, maybe? Hope I'm not overstepping a boundary or insulting you. He may have felt like he wouldn't be able to please you. Please understand my intenion is to not say you're doing something wrong at all. I think sometimes you have to consider what was talked about and what kind of impression you give the other person. Just giving my ideas as to what may have happened. Were the two of you discussing music on your date? Did he get the impression that you were the more informed one for knowing where to go and who to see? Not that you were trying to give that impression, but that may have been his impression if you came across as someone in the know about this activity. If that’s the case he would have asked you to let him know where to go in order to make sure you guys went just exactly where you wanted to go.

If it’s not possible he had that impression of you, then asking you was just plain lazy. He may have been testing you to see how much work you would do. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but a lot of men attracted to online dating have too many other people to meet and might not give you a chance. Or, he COULD have been scared off by your assertiveness, if it wasn’t asked sweetly… Wording things just right sometimes could do the trick. If you said ‘I’d appreciate it if you would’ may have scared him off….’saying.. ‘wondering, would you mind’… may have had a touch of sweetness to it, maybe? Hope I’m not overstepping a boundary or insulting you. He may have felt like he wouldn’t be able to please you. Please understand my intenion is to not say you’re doing something wrong at all. I think sometimes you have to consider what was talked about and what kind of impression you give the other person. Just giving my ideas as to what may have happened.

]]> By: The Seductress Within http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5336 The Seductress Within Sun, 04 Jan 2009 04:55:24 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5336 "He said, “No problem. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can discuss it.” I take that as a promise. He said he'd call on a specific day about plans HE suggested. "So is he flaky? Did he decide he’s just not that into me? Did I misunderstand? Was my assertiveness too much for him to handle?" My guess is he flaked out or some new plans sounded like more fun to him. Either way, it was inconsiderate. Enjoy your trip! “He said, “No problem. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can discuss it.”

I take that as a promise. He said he’d call on a specific day about plans HE suggested.

“So is he flaky? Did he decide he’s just not that into me? Did I misunderstand? Was my assertiveness too much for him to handle?”

My guess is he flaked out or some new plans sounded like more fun to him. Either way, it was inconsiderate.

Enjoy your trip!

]]> By: rkintn http://www.datinggoddess.com/promise-or-possibility/comment-page-1/#comment-5325 rkintn Sun, 04 Jan 2009 02:22:37 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1884#comment-5325 Umm, yeah I ran into this problem with a guy I'd been talking to for a few months. Granted it was a long distance thing but he had made one trip to come and see me with what I thought was the promise of another but turned out it was just a possiblity with him. Needless to say, relationship eventually fizzled. Like you, I've spent many years being the "event planner" and if the guy can't step up and take the initiative once in a while then it just isn't for me. Umm, yeah I ran into this problem with a guy I’d been talking to for a few months. Granted it was a long distance thing but he had made one trip to come and see me with what I thought was the promise of another but turned out it was just a possiblity with him. Needless to say, relationship eventually fizzled. Like you, I’ve spent many years being the “event planner” and if the guy can’t step up and take the initiative once in a while then it just isn’t for me.

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