Many women refer to their perfect man as Prince Charming. We want someone who is likable and knows what to say to get along with others. But charm can also be shallow, knowing what to say without really meaning it. And he could be charming to others but lose that capacity with you. I grew up with someone like that — he was charming to strangers but mean to family members.
A man I’m seeing and I were talking about what we liked about each other. I told him how much I appreciated his thoughtfulness and generosity with me. He said, “I’ve never considered myself a Prince Charming. I try to be more of a Prince Considerate. I work to be thoughtful of others.” And he is. I think Prince Considerate is more sustaining for a relationship.
A Prince Considerate, based on the few I’ve had first-hand experience with, is prone to:
- Call regularly to just say he’s thinking of you, or see how you’re doing. (My PC calls regularly and IMs at least once a day.)
- Buy you small gifts to show he knows what you like and that he cares about you. (At the movies he excused himself and brought back chocolate for me.)
- Do thoughtful things for you spontaneously. (My PC regularly gives me foot massages while we’re chatting on the couch, or shoulder massages while we’re waiting in line at the movies.)
- Be thoughtful of others. (He brought a bottle of wine for our Halloween party hosts, as well as a high-quality chocolate bar for me!)
- Consider what you like to do. (Knowing I like to see houses decorated for Halloween, he scheduled an hour’s walk in a fun neighborhood near our dinner restaurant so we could enjoy the decorated houses. And he told me ahead of time to wear comfortable walking shoes!)
- Think through how a suggested activity would be for you. (I explained this in “Is your date sensitive to your comfort?“)
- Learn your routines and plan around your regular activities. (PC knows what evenings I Jazzercise so suggests getting together afterwards or on other evenings.)
- Listen to your stories and remember what’s going on in your life, and even your friends’ names. (PC knows I’m going to India and Singapore for January, so suggests movies and restaurants to help acclimate me.)
So, which would you rather have, a Prince Charming or a Prince Considerate (for this discussion, you can’t have both in the same guy)? Why?
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Comments
9 responses to “Prince Considerate”
That should be my perfect man. I have dated 4 guys. They all seem Prince Charming.
Well, I’ve been with plenty of Prince Inconsiderates, so I’d have to go with the latter.
Which makes me think of a recent Starbuck’s cup quote:
“You simply can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want.”
— Israel Horovitz
Playwright/screenwriter
DG, your Price Considerate sounds like a really good guy. Hope it all goes well.
so i’m curious, ur pc does all this for you – what do u do for him to be his princess charming
Mango:
Good question! He says he likes my playfulness, sensuality, intellect, personal consciousness, affection, listening, and openness. I invite him to lunch at my house once a week, give him shoulder massages when he’s tense, give him verbal appreciation and acknowledgments, and ask for his input. I guess he considers this enough to keep asking me out!
What was he like when you first met him? This kind of behavior, which I agree with and try to practice, would have put him in the “friend” zone. Women love guys to do this stuff once they’re in a relationship, but acting that way from the outset makes men seem weak and needy in women’s eyes.
dg – thats all nice, but i notice that you specifically dont mention buying him little gifts but it seems important to you, since you mention it twice, that he demonstrates his affection by spending money on you. As a man, it is so tiring to be continually seen as an atm, and that i ‘m not showing my love unless i’m buying my gf something.
Ladies a guy appreciates it, just as much as a woman does, when their partner buys them something – and it’s in the thought not the value of the gift that matters.
Mango: I didn’t mention in the post what I do for him as this was about him, not about me. Last night, he said he appreciates that I invite him over for home-cooked meals and I buy his favorite drink to enjoy while he’s at my place. So I work to notice what he likes and give him more of it, too! I don’t see him as an ATM. When we go to dinner and the movies, I always treat for one, even though he’s tried to give me cash for the movie tickets. He says he likes to treat me.
I think the key is not to have an entitlement expectation and reciprocate in a way the other person feels appreciated. It sounds like you’ve had some women take advantage of you.
Excogitate: I don’t agree. A man who shows little kindnesses from the beginning makes big points in my book. I wouldn’t automatically put him in the friend category. And I don’t think a lot of other women would either.
Very nice list. I think kindness and thoughtfulness are very important. If a person takes the time to make you feel special, to pay attention to your needs, it says a lot about that person. I am one lucky woman – I found my Prince Charming/Considerate all rolled up into one. One of the first things I asked him was what he considered his ideal woman. He said all he wanted was for someone to think he was special – so I go out of my way to make him feel special, sending a card or a note, buying him a little something I know he would love, complimenting him, etc. In return he does all the things on your list and then some. He even cooks dinner for me twice a week (I work later than him) and won’t even let me do the dishes. I say he’s spoiling me. He says I deserve to be spoiled. We’ve been together for just over a year and it’s only getting better. I’m almost 60 and never expected to find my prince at my age – but I did. He has “charmed” my family and all my friends – and he’s sexy as all get out to boot. I was married for 22 years to a man who charmed the world and emotionally abused me and the kids at home. It is wonderful to experience someone actually takes my needs into consideration. Would I consider him needy – not at all. He’s just an old fashioned gentleman and I wouldn’t change a single thing about him if I could.