Comments on: Midlife dating etiquette

By: nysharon

nysharon — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 19:09:36 +0000

I thought it was OK to apply a little lip gloss at the table:(

By: walt

walt — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 13:10:37 +0000

I have a few to add. For both genders, if uninterested in someone you meet on a first date, keep the date to no more than 45 minutes. A 2+ hour date sends the message that you are enjoying yourself, and would therefore want to see your date again. It’s unfair to induce someone to invest that much time with you if you are not interested. For women, when in the initial stages of dating (or even afterward) someone you like, call him on the phone once in a while, don’t wait for him to call you. A lot of women like to be “courted”, and will not call, but the man likes to see some evidence that the interest is mutual, so an ocassional call (obviously, 3 times a day is too much!) “just to talk” is a good idea. Finally, I want to underline your point about having the courage to decline further dates if not interested. Above all, do not say “yes” to the proposal of a second date, and then make up some stupid excuse (“I met someone else”, “I’m too busy”) 3 days later to get out of it.

By: Passing By

Passing By — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 06:13:42 +0000

I saw a tv show this weekend called “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” In the episode, there was a 22-year-old female who looked 10 years older thanks to weekly sessions in the tanning salon and tons of garish makeup. They showed a picture of her from when she was 18, and she was a beautiful girl. Now she already looks like an overbaked tart. The matchmaker told her to “soften” her look by weaning herself off the tanning salon and wearing less makeup.

Anyway, the girl was set up with a 26 year-old military recruiter. The date that followed was a textbook example of bad dating etiquette.
1). the girl mocked the guy’s job.
2). she ordered shots at an Italian restaurant and tried to drink the guy under the table.
3). she checked her makeup and made a phone call at the table.
But the absolute worst thing she did, which left my jaw on the floor, was that she invited two friends to come by the restaurant to check out her date. When they arrived, she told her date that the reason why her friends were there was to give their approval of him. The young man was shocked but the young woman didn’t think there was anything at all odd or strange about two of her friends joining them on a first date. The young woman wanted to drink more shots and when her date told her that it was inappropriate and time to stop, she got annoyed with him.

From personal experience, the best example I have of horrible dating etiquette is a guy I met through a dating service which had both video interviews and photos for members to look at. Within minutes of meeting at the restaurant, the man told me that I wasn’t what he was expecting. Thinking he couldn’t be so tactless, I gave him an opportunity to take his foot out of his mouth, so I proceeded to ask him a few questions.
Me: “Oh, is it that I’m younger looking in person?”
Him: No.
Me: “Oh, is it that I’m shorter than you thought I was going to be?
Him: No, that’s not it.
Me: “So, what is it, then?”
Him: You’re darker than I thought.
Me: HUH?!

Since I’m a black female, that kind of comment is beyond tactless. I wanted to get up and walk out of that restaurant right then and there but I sat there for another 90 minutes and made small talk. Excruciating!!

Message to the fellows: NEVER; EVER make any comments on a woman’s appearance to her face on the first date unless you plan to say something unequivocally POSITIVE!!!!

By: Marina

Marina — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 17:01:46 +0000

My pet peeve is someone yaking on the cell phone while we’re on a date. I really like the gentleman I’m seeing, but he has a lot of friends who constantly call, even during dates. I wish he would either turn off the cell phone or send the calls to voice mail. Better yet, tell his freinds, “I’m out right now having dinner, (or at the movies) with a friend. I’ll call you later.”

I don’t think he means any harm, but when I’m out on a date I expect to be the center of his attention until the date is over.

By: Bookyone

Bookyone — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 09:07:29 +0000

Hi DG,

Very thorough and so true, I really enjoyed reading this. I also agree with all of the above.

I’m still moving slowly through the waters of online dating. I’ve made a few friends who correspond regularly and one guy who is a friend but whom I’m secretly hoping against hope might one day be more than just a friend. I got into a nasty fight with this particlar long distance friend the other day, (I started it, I was in a bad mood for other reasons that had noting to do with him), but fortunately he forgave me today and we talked about our expectations; (he’s recenly divorced, about a year ago, with 2 small kids and hasn’t dated anyone since his divorce, so he told me he’s not sure he’s ready for a relationship, although he does want to meet face to face). I told him I appreciated his honesty and said I’m just getting back into things myself, (I haven’t been on a date in years and since my ex dumped me 2 years ago I haven’t really socialized all that much). So, we both agreed to take things slowly and see if there are sparks when we meet. We have written a lot back and forth and shared many personal things, and have decided that even if there’s no chemistry when we meet in person that we’ll still stay friends.

So, this newbie dater is doing OK and has, oddly enough, met another newbie dater for her first date, what are the odds of that???

Best wishes from bookyone

PS – I liked your article about newbie daters as well. Since both he and I fit this category, I will be re-reading this again before our date.