Comments on: Men and women see sex differently

By: hunter

hunter — Sun, 14 Oct 2007 05:54:54 +0000

to lisa,

you are right, be careful, I have heard therapists say, the female brain is built to follow men…..up until a certain age, then, women intellectualize…

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 09:36:13 +0000

I personally don’t know any women, especially the ones over 40 where sex comes with guilt. Most women do love sex as much as men. I have just learned from my own personal experience that most men can have casual sex forever and never get invested emotionally. They can have sex with women they’re not all that crazy about or even that attracted to. I personally realized after my divorce and my experiencing dating again after 25 years, that I can only have sex with men who I have incredible chemistry with and who I have feelings for. So, casual sex doesn’t work for me. After a couple of times, I get emotionally invested. He’s not on the same page and it’s over. It hurts too much to go through that. I just know myself very well. Problem is, as I believe someone else mentioned before, a man can tell you anything. Some are very good at figuring out who you are and what you want and be lying. I know one that has been juggling several women all his life, even marrying some of them and still has them all convinced they’re the only one.

By: bookyone

bookyone — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 02:28:28 +0000

Hi DG,

Great article. I agree, men and women do view sex differently, as a woman I can’t imagine using someone jst for sex and then blowing them off the way most of the guys I’ve been with have done to me. Needless to say this old lady learned her lesson (and learned and learned…) and is keeping her legs together til there’s a ring on my finger.

Mistsy, I can relate, my ex did this to me, he told me he loved me over and over again and yet when things got tough, he bailed on me. I am physically disabled and that is hard enough to deal with on a daily basis without some idiot bailing on me when I need him the most.

Best wishes from bookyone

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 20:48:39 +0000

Mitsy:

The challenge is we can never know for sure where any relationship is headed. It could have been you who changed your mind after getting to know the guy even better, even after declaring a commitment. As people get to know each other, they let their guards down and their raw, true self comes forth. People change, which is part of why the divorce stats are so high.

So while it is a good idea to slow down the physical part of a relationship until you’ve spent enough time together to see the others’ true self, you can never know anything for sure. At some point we have to trust we have enough information to move forward. If we’ve misread the information, or more comes out later and we change our minds, that is just part of life.

By: Mitsy

Mitsy — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 20:03:47 +0000

Quite frankly, a guy CAN say all the “right” words to lead a woman to believe he’s committed to the relationship BEFORE they sleep together and he can STILL bail later. This happened to me, and I learned my lesson about having sex too soon. I had only been with one other guy in my whole life until about 11 months ago. I do not believe in casual sex, and this guy “claimed” to be committed to me very early on. I really did believe we’d be together for years.

Our relationship lasted a little over 3 months. He had many problems in his life and our relationship was a casualty of his inability to handle a relationship and life stresses. I only wished I had seen his immaturity and selfishness BEFORE I slept with him. I am trying to remind myself that I’m better off without him and also the fact that he had erectile problems he refused to acknowledge (which would only have gotten worse, not better).

There are times that I still miss this guy and he’s been out of my life for over 7 months now. Maybe a year from now I will feel more healed, but I know that I will never let my passions overtake me to where I don’t know for sure where the relationship is headed before taking that plunge. It really was not worth it.

By: Bruce Daley

Bruce Daley — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 12:45:21 +0000

Men do think it’s very important to talk about sex. If you don’t talk about it, you don’t get it. From a man’s perspective there is no such thing as safe sex, there are just degrees of risk. As a man, you know one way or another, any time have sex you will end up paying for it. Some women make you pay in cash, some women make you pay in tears, a few women even make you pay in blood but as you point out in a previous column - talk is cheap - and therefore for many men a favorite way to pay.

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:14:44 +0000

So Bruce, why don’t men think it’s important to talk about sex — safe sex specifically — when their health and life are potentially at risk if they don’t? I’ve come to learn that no matter what kind of rational discussion a couple can have about this, when things get hot, all memory of that — and pretty much any other rational thought — goes out the window.

By: Bruce Daley

Bruce Daley — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 22:34:11 +0000

Women like to talk about sex, but then again they like to talk about everything else. As a man you know listening to them is just a price you have to pay to do your part for evolution.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 20:14:59 +0000

Certainly it’s not at all about men enjoying sex more than women. But you are right that in general, whether biological or social, it has a different meaning for women than for men. A conversation BEFORE should be REQUIRED! It’s horrible a week or so into a relationship having become sexual to suddenly realize that your partner could be having sex with somebody else and YOU never ASKED for the relationship to be EXCLUSIVE. You just can’t go back at that point.

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:15:11 +0000

Yes, Steve, I agree that women can love sex as much as men. It’s not about loving it — it’s about being willing to talk about it beforehand, and being clear on what meaning you make it have.

And while it’s optimal to have the talk when not in the midst of passion, sometimes it’s not possible and you have to take a break in the action. But I do think it’s important to have the discussion.