ISO someone equally decrepit

by Dating Goddess on March 8, 2013

When I read some midlife men’s dating profiles I get tired. Not from reading, but from their exhaustive list of extreme activities — rock climbing, remote backpacking, BASE jumping, snow camping, cliff flying. While I appreciate their exuberance for adrenaline, I grow weary just reading their exploits.

Am I not adventurous? I am in my own way. In recent years I’ve spent 6-8 weeks abroad, exploring the world. But my idea of adventure is coming back to a friend’s guest suite, a nice hotel or B&B. I’m not happy camping, nor do I enjoy roughing it.

Plus, my body is showing it’s displeasure at all-day walks on concrete, cobblestones, or forest paths. My feet and knees tell me this isn’t their idea of a good time. I don’t like succumbing to the signs of aging so I’m taking a therapeutic yoga class to see if I can counter my body’s “issues.” I call it “yoga for the decrepit” because each of my fellow yoginis have some chronic challenge they are working to reduce.

I’m tempted to change my online profile to “ISO someone equally decrepit” but that is an exaggeration — although hopefully a funny one. I’m sure some would take me seriously and think I could only navigate with a walker. In hopes of potential suitors getting the proper perspective, I say I’m “active but not athletic.” I do aerobics 3-4 times a week and now yoga 2 times as well. In the summer I bike on a nearby nearly flat trail, but am not up to peddling up mountains anymore.

How do you express your physical limitations — if any — to potential suitors? Do you tell them in a first encounter or wait until they say, “I’d love to go on a 40-mile mountain bike ride with you” before explaining that you’ll await them at the end point with a nice beverage?

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Johnc March 8, 2013 at 11:21 am

I think that it only matters if it matters.

If dude wants someone that will do those things with him – that’s cool. He just needs to say.

For the most part though, if the guy is active, he wants someone active.

On my profile, I specifically state you need to be able to hop on a bike and go mountain biking with me.
This eliminates just about all the women.

Ah well……

Richard March 8, 2013 at 12:15 pm

“I’d love to go on a 40-mile mountain bike ride with you” – Great, I’ll have the all terrain tires put on my Harley.

I’m more the high adrenaline, low energy type, such as – sky diving, roller coasters, weaving in and out of rush hour traffic, etc.

Dating Goddess March 8, 2013 at 12:36 pm

Roller coasters — now we’re talking!

Lisa March 9, 2013 at 2:37 pm

I think some men are sort of adrenaline addicts. They HAVE to do something physical A LOT. I met a man once and he was addicted to training for marathons. He ran a slew of marathon a year all over the world and was constantly training all the time. From what he told me of how he trained, what he ate, etc. it seemed there was very little time for anyone or any occasional fatty food in his life! I was exhausted just listening to him, so I know exactly what you mean.

Anyway, being with someone like that would get tiresome as it seems training for and doing the activity would always comes first. Sometimes when I read profiles like that, I try to read between the lines and see if is sort of an “addiction” or just an occasional thrill.

I do want to meet someone who would want to go on long cycling and camping trips, but in my day to day life I am not addicted to being active. I can’t imagine, however, going out with someone who never wants to do anything active or has a lot of health issues. I am just fine doing things and traveling on my own, but you’d want someone who can at least get out of a chair.

Adventure is in the eye of the beholder, so I guess state how active you’d like someone to be and go from there, but when men do go on about their extreme sports, it does make you wonder if they are a little too extremely devoted to them.

Almita March 10, 2013 at 11:15 pm

I don’t think that couples have to share every activity together. If a man wants to go snow camping or rock climbing, then he can share those activities with other friends. While he is doing that, I’ll go to an art exhibit or a play with my friends. The important thing is that I will be waiting for him when he gets back and curious to hear all about his experience. Some shared interests are good, but we shouldn’t expect the other person to be a clone of ourselves.

Marcy March 26, 2013 at 5:24 pm

With all those activities listed on the man’s dating profile I have to wonder just how much they really do? If I have at least an interest in one or two of those physical activities I wouldn’t pass the guy up. If you like each other enough you will be able to let him continue doing all those things…only not with you or at least not as frequently.

I think it makes relationships more interesting when you do your own thing every now and then. After all they were doing those things with someone…their man friends, etc., before they met you so they can continue doing it after you are together and let you do what you like to do. I don’t think we have to match them to be compatible, we can be different in our physical levels and still be great for each other.

Mike April 27, 2013 at 10:39 am

A lot of us guys after divorce are left with a huge void in our lives , most activities we used to do before marriage were shelved to be good husbands and fathers. Many of us don’t realize just how much of ourselves was given up to do this, and how much of ourselves was lost in the process. None of us ever want to go through this again…ever.

Many guys rebuild themselves with physical activities, it fights depression and helps form bonds again with other men we let slid after marriage. I don’t think most of us expect any woman to go rock climbing with us, kayaking rapids or mountain bike 50K through the bush, but we would like to find somebody who shares a physically active lifestyle to do some things together rather than glued to their smartphone/facebook/twitter 24/7.

johnc May 8, 2013 at 7:16 pm

@ Mike,

Well said.

dani May 15, 2013 at 6:01 pm

I personally only will go out with someone who is athletic. generally it comes up very quickly whether the girl is into the outdoors or not

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