Comments on: Is he a “soft place to fall”? http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:09:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Is he willing to be vulnerable? | Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-2590 Is he willing to be vulnerable? | Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 Tue, 26 Feb 2008 03:27:38 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-2590 [...] “Is he a ’soft place to fall’?” we talked about how important it is for most women to have a man they can be vulnerable with. But [...] [...] “Is he a ’soft place to fall’?” we talked about how important it is for most women to have a man they can be vulnerable with. But [...]

]]> By: Christine http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-539 Christine Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:50:56 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-539 Thanks for your comment, Bookyone. As I read over my comment, I can see I'm relapsing into my well established victim role. Sorry about that! I'm sure my mood is dictated by the joys of perimenopause and raising a house full of teenage girls. I'm quite certain God did not intend for a single woman to face these challenges all at the same moment in time!!! Thanks for your comment, Bookyone. As I read over my comment, I can see I’m relapsing into my well established victim role. Sorry about that! I’m sure my mood is dictated by the joys of perimenopause and raising a house full of teenage girls. I’m quite certain God did not intend for a single woman to face these challenges all at the same moment in time!!!

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-535 Dating Goddess Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:54:53 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-535 Thanks Steve. It's nice to know that a man agrees with my observations! And being vulnerable can be very appealing, as it shows a man is willing to not have to "look good" all the time, but can tell his truth, even if it isn't pretty. That is alluring, not wussy! Thanks Steve. It’s nice to know that a man agrees with my observations! And being vulnerable can be very appealing, as it shows a man is willing to not have to “look good” all the time, but can tell his truth, even if it isn’t pretty. That is alluring, not wussy!

]]> By: Steve Lindsley http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-536 Steve Lindsley Fri, 30 Mar 2007 19:23:33 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-536 What a wonderful post. It IS hard for a man to reveal himself and things we're not proud of ... who doesn't have them. It's exciting to be in a relationship where you can be a little "vulnerable." After not dating for many, many years, it's hard to know what to reveal and what not. It is a wonderful place to know that you CAN be truthful and not worry whether you'll be labled a wuss. Keep up the good work, Goddess. What a wonderful post. It IS hard for a man to reveal himself and things we’re not proud of … who doesn’t have them. It’s exciting to be in a relationship where you can be a little “vulnerable.” After not dating for many, many years, it’s hard to know what to reveal and what not. It is a wonderful place to know that you CAN be truthful and not worry whether you’ll be labled a wuss.
Keep up the good work, Goddess.

]]> By: Gatti http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-538 Gatti Fri, 30 Mar 2007 17:51:30 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-538 This is one theme that is resonant with me. One of the things that frightened me about my ex (besides him yelling at me and putting me down constantly) was that if he was that hard on me when I was "whole", what would happen if I became "damaged", i.e. became ill or injured. Would he rise to the occasion or would I be even less tolerated? My guy now cared for his wife for several years through to the end of a tragic illness. Knowing he did that makes me feel certain that he would support someone he loved, whether through a minor or a major crisis. And up to now everything he's said and done with me has not changed my view on this. And I feel honoured to know his tender places. A soft place for both of us to land, indeed! This is one theme that is resonant with me. One of the things that frightened me about my ex (besides him yelling at me and putting me down constantly) was that if he was that hard on me when I was “whole”, what would happen if I became “damaged”, i.e. became ill or injured. Would he rise to the occasion or would I be even less tolerated?

My guy now cared for his wife for several years through to the end of a tragic illness. Knowing he did that makes me feel certain that he would support someone he loved, whether through a minor or a major crisis. And up to now everything he’s said and done with me has not changed my view on this.

And I feel honoured to know his tender places. A soft place for both of us to land, indeed!

]]> By: Bookyone http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-537 Bookyone Fri, 30 Mar 2007 17:15:42 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-537 Hi Christine, Ouch, that sounds awful, I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this. Some guys just don't understand the difference between fantasy and reality and when reality hits them in the face (as it does in every relationship sooner or later) they don't handle it too well. My ex was similar, a sweet guy (or so I thought) whom I could talk to about almost anything and he confided in me regularly as well. Here was a sweet sensitive talkative guy who wasn't afraid to share and show his feelings; I thought I'd met my perfect match. Fast forward to the first major crisis in our relationship 5 years later (I can't believe it took that long for a major crisis to occur, but it did). Anyhow, Mr. Sensitive bailed on me, so much for sensitivity and understanding. IMHO, it's a lot easier to separate the men from the boys when the going gets rough - the men stick around, while th boys cut bait and run. Obviously my ex was one of the boys, no matter how often he claimed the opposite... Best wishes from bookyone :) Hi Christine,

Ouch, that sounds awful, I’m sorry to hear you had to go through this. Some guys just don’t understand the difference between fantasy and reality and when reality hits them in the face (as it does in every relationship sooner or later) they don’t handle it too well. My ex was similar, a sweet guy (or so I thought) whom I could talk to about almost anything and he confided in me regularly as well. Here was a sweet sensitive talkative guy who wasn’t afraid to share and show his feelings; I thought I’d met my perfect match. Fast forward to the first major crisis in our relationship 5 years later (I can’t believe it took that long for a major crisis to occur, but it did). Anyhow, Mr. Sensitive bailed on me, so much for sensitivity and understanding. IMHO, it’s a lot easier to separate the men from the boys when the going gets rough - the men stick around, while th boys cut bait and run. Obviously my ex was one of the boys, no matter how often he claimed the opposite…

Best wishes from bookyone :)

]]> By: Christine http://www.datinggoddess.com/is-he-a-soft-place-to-fall/comment-page-1/#comment-534 Christine Fri, 30 Mar 2007 11:23:30 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=270#comment-534 In my last relationship, I had known the man since college and he carried alot of fantasies about me from that time. I think once he started to experience me in real time with real challenges, I couldn't live up to every perfect image he had carried in his head for the past 25 years. I don't think my life is any messier than average, but it certainly doesn't have the same cadence it did when I was in college. I was that soft place for him, allowing him to be who he really was. Seeing his vulnerability and lisening to his deepest secrets, I felt safe enough to do the same. That's when he got scared (or confused, or just plain done) , and he proceeded to throw me off the back of a fast moving train and sometimes I feel like I'm still stumbling around on the tracks trying to find my way back to the station. Now I can see that I was just a one dimensional figure for this guy. He wasn't interested or brave enough to really know me. He was my refresher course in "Hard Fall 101". In my last relationship, I had known the man since college and he carried alot of fantasies about me from that time. I think once he started to experience me in real time with real challenges, I couldn’t live up to every perfect image he had carried in his head for the past 25 years. I don’t think my life is any messier than average, but it certainly doesn’t have the same cadence it did when I was in college. I was that soft place for him, allowing him to be who he really was. Seeing his vulnerability and lisening to his deepest secrets, I felt safe enough to do the same. That’s when he got scared (or confused, or just plain done) , and he proceeded to throw me off the back of a fast moving train and sometimes I feel like I’m still stumbling around on the tracks trying to find my way back to the station. Now I can see that I was just a one dimensional figure for this guy. He wasn’t interested or brave enough to really know me. He was my refresher course in “Hard Fall 101″.

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