Instant boyfriend

by Dating Goddess on November 25, 2013

I’ve noticed a trend. I don’t know if it’s just me or if it is common.

When I’ve met someone online and we’ve exchanged some emails and phone calls, when we meet there’s a sense of familiarity. The meeting seems like a formality, just verifying the other isn’t bizarre looking or socially inept and is attractive to us on some level. Assuming the other person passes for our definition of normal, we agree to a second encounter.

And here’s where it becomes somewhat Twilight-Zone-ish.

On that second encounter, the man has transformed from someone I just met into my boyfriend. He may hold my hand, put his arm around me, or kiss me well before the end of the date. He may talk about trips he envisions us taking or my meeting his relatives. He has become an instant boyfriend.

While I’m not averse to PDA nor exploring future plans, it just seems he jumps to a closeness before it is warranted. After all, we barely know each other. I’m not sure yet if I want to be kissing this guy, let alone meeting his family. The relationship seems to have been accelerated, skipping some key parts of getting to know one another and letting the familiarity and connectedness unfold.

This instant relationship has been time-collapsed even more dramatically in some instances where men have French kissed me upon first meeting me, or assumed we were going to sleep together on our first date. I have had men tell me they were falling in love with me during our first encounter.


Is it that they are so lonely/horny/desperate that the slightest interest from a woman catapults them into relationship mode? Are they players and these moves have proven fruitful in the past to get women in the sack? Are they so socially ignorant that they don’t know affection must grow?

Then I wonder if I’m doing something to draw out this behavior in a normally rational man. I’d like to think I was so sexy/fetching/bewitching that a sane man can be cast under my spell and quickly forget common sense, but I don’t believe it is me. I know I’m not all that.

So this is another situation that goes into the “What would make him behave this way?” But instead of this just being one man’s behavior, I’ve seen it with enough men that I’ve noticed the trend.

If you’ve encountered this, what’s your explanation? Guys, can you give us some clues into why men would jump to instant boyfriend behavior?


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