If his stories don’t add up, subtract yourself

When we begin to date someone, nearly always he is a stranger. Even if you meet through friends, work, class, church or other activities, you most likely barely know him. While you want to be open and trusting, you also want to be conscious of inconsistencies that point to him not being who he represents himself to be. It is hard to balance giving someone the benefit of a doubt with being overly suspicious.

But when his actions or stories don’t add up, then take yourself out of the equation.

Here are some things you should note, although singularly an item could mean nothing. But if there are a number of these, proceed very cautiously or extricate yourself all together.

• His phone has caller ID blocked.
• His cell phone has an area code from another state although he says he’s never lived there.
• He never answers his phone when you call. He calls you back minutes, hours or days later.
• He only calls you from his car or work, never home.
• He texts you long conversations rather than calling you.
• After months of dating, he’s never invited you to his house.
• After two months of dating regularly, he hasn’t introduced you to any of his friends.
• After several months of dating he won’t give you his address.
• He prefers to bring take out to your house or have you fix dinner rather than take you out.
• You don’t hear from him for several days even though you usually connect daily. When you finally do and ask what he’s been up to, he is evasive about where he’s been.
• He only wants to meet you for weekday lunches, not dinner.
• He professes to care for you deeply but repeatedly treats you disrespectfully or regularly ignores your desires.
• He lives nearby, is retired, and tells you daily how much he misses you but makes only minor efforts to see you.

Inconsistencies are how we tell if someone is untrustworthy. Most people either don’t notice them or shrug them off. I have been guilty of noticing them but ignoring them if I liked a guy a lot. But that has caused a lot of pain as he’s ended up taking me for a ride which I had indications was coming. And it was not a fun ride — more like a bucking mechanical bull. Getting bucked off something you knew wasn’t real but pretended was is not only painful, but humiliating.

So don’t ignore the signs that something is amiss. Keep your logic cap on and notice when something doesn’t make sense. Ask about it with curiosity, not confrontation. If enough answers don’t make sense, then move on. You need to be with someone you can trust explicitly, not always wonder if he’s lying to you or not.

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