Comments on: “I don’t want to be hurt”

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 23:20:32 +0000

lulu,

I don’t think men can compete with the love for your children and grandchildren…….

By: Lulu

Lulu — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 12:36:29 +0000

I’m not even sure I would recognise love if I found it, or if it found me. I think, to be honest, my relationships with men have been a curious mixture of infatuation, affection, companionship and sex, with some caring and supprt thrown in. The purest, best, most honest love which I recognised as love has been for my children and my little grandson, it’s instinctive, unconditional, powerful and natural. I would love to have that kind of connection with a partner, but if I’m honest it has never happened. I’ve romanticised my attachments, but I think women are conditioned to do that by their hormones and by society. Is romantic love a myth?

By: hunter

hunter — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 08:09:22 +0000

to rod/LA

Maybe, we do this,,,, but,,,,, with all the relationship seminars going around, internet info, books to read, blogs, therapists, we shouldn’t have to remain this way, should we?

By: Rod

Rod — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 04:36:07 +0000

I think thats exactly what he’s saying LA. We do create our own prisons because of our fears and insecurities - while we think we are keeping ourselves ’safe’ what we’re really doing is refusing to fully live. The heart wants to be in love and to love but I think its possible to miss out on the love of my life because I dont want to risk being burned.

By: LA

LA — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 03:12:59 +0000

C.S. Lewis is saying that man was meant to love. God did not intend for man and woman to live apart. We create our own prisons because of our fear and insecurity. We are all the same. We all want the same thing. This is not about Lifetime channel romance. It is about love.

By: hunter

hunter — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 02:42:33 +0000

Rod,

Isn’t C.S. Lewis saying, you don’t have to bare your soul when in a relationship?

By: Rod

Rod — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:35:41 +0000

I agree with that Lulu. I dont know what hurts more - the loss of love… or knowing that Ive truly hurt someone who loved me.

By: Lulu

Lulu — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 22:10:00 +0000

Well, LA, I’d say that you’re partly right, we’re a bit ambivalent because we all carry old hurt and anxieties with us into new relationships. You don’t get to your forties and fifties without collecting a load of baggage. I’m aware that my own behaviour contributed to the failure of both relationships, and I’m moving very slowly now instead of rushing enthiusiastically in! And Rod, that was a lovely quote from C S Lewis. It takes a lot of courage to show vulnerability, and risk everything. We just have to be careful who we risk our hearts with. It’s not just that I’m afraid of being hurt, I’m very scared of hurting others.

By: LA

LA — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 21:53:39 +0000

This is what I make up. If all of us really wanted to be in a relationship we would be. Being in this age group and still being single really points to our own neurosis about love and intimacy, letting go, and taking risks. Maybe we just don’t want this thing called love.

By: Rod

Rod — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 20:42:29 +0000

Being hurt is painful enough to make anyone cautious about moving back into a relationship again. I take great solace from an awesome quote from CS Lewis:
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket safe, dark, motionless, airless it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
I think a problem often comes when we dont allow ourselves the time to grieve the loss of love. We too quickly jump in to cover the pain of loss with the good feeling of new love… and that robs the one we’re with from having a whole person present and able to fully engage in a new relationship.
Who wants to hurt? No one. But its part of being ready to love fully.