Comments on: How is your guy imprinted on you? http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:06:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: nysharon http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3723 nysharon Sun, 21 Sep 2008 12:49:32 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3723 I always hated the color orange> LOL poor Mike--you are a funny guy. I am greiving a man who I've decided to leave for my own self esteem. Everything reminds me of him. He cannot make a commitment to me but still calls to check in with me and then it brings me back to day one. I've decided this is selfish of him and have asked him to stop. In his mind he doesn't want me to move on. It's sweet to have contact with old boyfriends too, but what is different about this one is that I am still in love with him and he knows it. I have replaced his name in my blackberry with "disappointment" so when he calls me I am reminded and don't answer. BTW DG: I am considering to on-line dating again as soon as I am feeling better. I always hated the color orange> LOL poor Mike–you are a funny guy.
I am greiving a man who I’ve decided to leave for my own self esteem. Everything reminds me of him. He cannot make a commitment to me but still calls to check in with me and then it brings me back to day one. I’ve decided this is selfish of him and have asked him to stop. In his mind he doesn’t want me to move on. It’s sweet to have contact with old boyfriends too, but what is different about this one is that I am still in love with him and he knows it. I have replaced his name in my blackberry with “disappointment” so when he calls me I am reminded and don’t answer.
BTW DG: I am considering to on-line dating again as soon as I am feeling better.

]]> By: PreviouslyQueenofE http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3718 PreviouslyQueenofE Sun, 21 Sep 2008 03:33:12 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3718 Smells, sounds, vision and location all mean a lot. This was very obvious after a particularly difficult breakup . After a week or so, I changed my general cell phone ringtone to the ring I had assigned to the beloved. I called it "desensitization". Even though he was not calling me anymore, that ring (which came with the phone, which about a zillion other people had, so I heard it everywhere I went) indicated HIM. Scents are even more powerful, I dated a man briefly who smelled like my dad *beer and cigarettes plus aftershave* and initially it was comforting but then it turned into beer and cigarettes. It seems that eyesight is the least of our senses! Smells, sounds, vision and location all mean a lot. This was very obvious after a particularly difficult breakup . After a week or so, I changed my general cell phone ringtone to the ring I had assigned to the beloved. I called it “desensitization”. Even though he was not calling me anymore, that ring (which came with the phone, which about a zillion other people had, so I heard it everywhere I went) indicated HIM. Scents are even more powerful, I dated a man briefly who smelled like my dad *beer and cigarettes plus aftershave* and initially it was comforting but then it turned into beer and cigarettes. It seems that eyesight is the least of our senses!

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3715 Dating Goddess Sat, 20 Sep 2008 17:02:19 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3715 Mike: I'd never see orange the same way again, either! Ugh! And not even an apology. Hopefully this woman wasn't long in your life! NYSharon: I totally agree about allowing yourself to grieve. I fully support that and agree that if you don't it will leak out in other ways. The point I was trying to make was to notice what triggered you and begin to disassociate the trigger from the feeling. I guess I should have added to allow yourself to grieve fully -- in private, or with a counselor or friend. I see your point about not even trying to remain friends, however, I have successfully retained contact with a number of exes who have never tried to get back together. I think it depends on how romantically attached you each felt. If there was a lot of attachment, then yes, it can be painful to keep in touch. But if there wasn't, it's nice to remain friends as you usually know quite a bit about each others' lives. And it reminds you why you are much better as friends than lovers! In the last two weeks I've had 4 past sweeties contact me. I welcomed their connection and none suggested a rekindling, although I suspect it is why one contacted me (he's wanted to get back together before). Mike: I’d never see orange the same way again, either! Ugh! And not even an apology. Hopefully this woman wasn’t long in your life!

NYSharon: I totally agree about allowing yourself to grieve. I fully support that and agree that if you don’t it will leak out in other ways. The point I was trying to make was to notice what triggered you and begin to disassociate the trigger from the feeling. I guess I should have added to allow yourself to grieve fully — in private, or with a counselor or friend.

I see your point about not even trying to remain friends, however, I have successfully retained contact with a number of exes who have never tried to get back together. I think it depends on how romantically attached you each felt. If there was a lot of attachment, then yes, it can be painful to keep in touch. But if there wasn’t, it’s nice to remain friends as you usually know quite a bit about each others’ lives. And it reminds you why you are much better as friends than lovers!

In the last two weeks I’ve had 4 past sweeties contact me. I welcomed their connection and none suggested a rekindling, although I suspect it is why one contacted me (he’s wanted to get back together before).

]]> By: Mike http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3713 Mike Sat, 20 Sep 2008 15:04:20 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3713 A while back I went out with this woman and one thing led to another. Anyway she was in these bright orange panties. I remember she turned around and farted right in my face. It was loud, smelled, and she didn't even apologize. I tell you for a long while afterwards seeing orange always brought me back to that moment which wasn't pleasant. A while back I went out with this woman and one thing led to another. Anyway she was in these bright orange panties. I remember she turned around and farted right in my face. It was loud, smelled, and she didn’t even apologize. I tell you for a long while afterwards seeing orange always brought me back to that moment which wasn’t pleasant.

]]> By: nysharon http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3712 nysharon Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:50:16 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3712 Just an added thought. This is why it is much more respectful for a lover to stop contacting you after the break and why being friends off the top is a bad idea. For the broken hearted, it prevents the hope it will work out and allows them to grieve. Ex's who pop in your life are doing it to stroke their ego. If you guessed, I am going though this myself right now. Just an added thought. This is why it is much more respectful for a lover to stop contacting you after the break and why being friends off the top is a bad idea. For the broken hearted, it prevents the hope it will work out and allows them to grieve. Ex’s who pop in your life are doing it to stroke their ego. If you guessed, I am going though this myself right now.

]]> By: nysharon http://www.datinggoddess.com/how-is-your-guy-imprinted-on-you/comment-page-1/#comment-3711 nysharon Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:45:19 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=1394#comment-3711 The emotional triggers are not always a bad thing. It may "open the wounds" however the bleeding is a part of the greiving process that helps us heal. We must give allow ourselves to feel sadness and then refram it in our minds. I know of people who refused to grieve a major loss and then a little tiny incident of loss triggered a very exagerated response. If we do not go though that process initially, it will always come back to bit us. Just my observations. The emotional triggers are not always a bad thing. It may “open the wounds” however the bleeding is a part of the greiving process that helps us heal. We must give allow ourselves to feel sadness and then refram it in our minds. I know of people who refused to grieve a major loss and then a little tiny incident of loss triggered a very exagerated response. If we do not go though that process initially, it will always come back to bit us. Just my observations.

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