Comments on: “He wants you on his terms”

By: elyse

elyse — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 03:05:12 +0000

Janet - aren’t you glad you were strong enough to push away … and sorry his wife didn’t see signs that he was probably less than available for her, also….

By: Janet

Janet — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:56:46 +0000

Dating Goddess “He Wants You On His Terms”…I was with someone who fits the description of your entry on this subject…. now that I know he also had someone else as well, I want to throw this out there. If it’s on his terms, I would wonder how interested he really IS. I also found out that once I got tired of it and wouldn’t see him anymore, well, by that time I think he’d built up his other relationship sufficiently. He contacted me two days after he realized I really meant it about not wanting to do things on his terms anymore to tell me we should not be in contact anymore at all. I then discovered he married her a month later. So, if it’s on his terms, find out what’s goin’ on behind the scenes… I’m not saying all situations could be like mine… just a suggestion.

By: Loving Annie

Loving Annie — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:40:07 +0000

There should be a 50/50 balance for things to be really healthy.
You’ve GOT to have the things that are seriously important to you, and the minor things you can compromise on.
But only seeing you maybe 3 or 4 times a month and refusing tpo plan in advance for the most part ? that’s not a man who is treating you with respect and care. He’s being controlling and selfish, his way or no way, really. A man who likes a woman will spend more time with her than that, no matter how busy his job, his kids, etc.
This guy isn’t choosing to make you a priority. I don’t think you have to compromise and accept that, and be basically there at his whim.
Cut off contact with this guy. You deserve better.

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:25:14 +0000

The relationship I am in now frustrates me in some of the same ways. He rarely makes plans. We’ve been going out for 5 months. Like this weekend is July 4th. I start making plans days ahead, so I have something to look forward to and know what I need to do to get ready for whatever, (buy food, get mosquito spray, etc.) He doesn’t want to make any plans. I finally told him if he doesn’t want to make plans with me, then I can make other plans. Then he was willing to make plans with me. Even though you like this man very much, there are other good men out there too. Either you are willing to do things on his terms or you tell him when you CAN go out and that if he cannot commit, you will make other plans. I don’t sit around waiting for someone else to decide to call me. It’s amazing how when we are not as ready to do something at the drop of HIS hat, they will come around. If not, oh well, time to move on.
I dated this one guy for about 3 months who told me he didn’t want a relationship right now. I really liked him a lot, so I kept dating him, but after 3 months I decided to start seeing others. I met a new guy and that is the one I am dating now. The old one started calling me again and I told him I had a boyfriend now, but he kept calling me. I went to his house thinking maybe I would give “us” another chance. And I realized he wasn’t as wonderful as I thought he was when I was dating him. That the guy I have now is a better guy who gives me more of what I want. It was really eye opening to go back and realize that. So it also let’s me know that if this one doesn’t work out, another will come along and I’ve learned another lesson.
I also believe that lovers should be best friends and if you don’t know why this guy only calls you every once in a while, you don’t know him that well. It’s easier to like people we don’t know that well. We don’t know all their “stuff” yet.

By: Jack

Jack — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:26:33 +0000

I wonder why you don’t know why his contact is so intermittent. I’m thinking this is more a communication issue than a compromise issue. To be in a relationship at all requires compromise. I also tell my daughter (age 26) never to get in a position where you are being manipulated. Anyone who manipulates you is not really interested in being in a healthy mature adult relationship. Sometimes an element of control can add some spice if it remains mild and in that case its better to be the flame than the moth (to paraphrase Casanova I think).