Comments on: Guest post: 10 Reasons To Thank Your Bad Boyfriend http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/ Dating over 40 advice by the Dating Goddess™ Fri, 10 Sep 2010 05:23:38 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: UniqueDater http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-41467 UniqueDater Thu, 08 Apr 2010 11:55:57 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-41467 Phew! As a believer of the Law of Attraction, I skimmed that list and was thankful I hadn't experienced any of it in the last couple relationships, and now I'm going to completely forget I ever read that list, and instead spend some time in my "workshop" thinking about what my awesome guy WILL be like, to counter act it! Phew! As a believer of the Law of Attraction, I skimmed that list and was thankful I hadn’t experienced any of it in the last couple relationships, and now I’m going to completely forget I ever read that list, and instead spend some time in my “workshop” thinking about what my awesome guy WILL be like, to counter act it!

]]> By: Mitsy http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36971 Mitsy Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:58:18 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36971 I agree with a lot of what Mark says. However, that last paragraph can be tricky. While I have not dated a LOT of men, I have had only 1 sustaining, long-term relationship which I chose to end a number of years ago. I've had a lot of problems trying to meet or connect with the right guy since. Does that make me someone to wonder about? Maybe, but then if you don't know someone's history, sometimes it really is a matter of picking the wrong person from the get-go. People can hide their flaws early on or they can lie like a charmer in order to get someone only to bail on them later. It's happened to me more than a couple times. I was hookwinked into believing they were something they were not. So, I don't automatically assume that because someone has had a number of failed relationships that it's always their fault. If they have an addiction or serious personality flaw, then more than likely, they are causing their own problems. Otherwise, I'd hate for others to believe that because I'm 49 and single that I'm somehow undesirable as a mate because I haven't had a long-term serious relationship in several years. I agree with a lot of what Mark says. However, that last paragraph can be tricky. While I have not dated a LOT of men, I have had only 1 sustaining, long-term relationship which I chose to end a number of years ago. I’ve had a lot of problems trying to meet or connect with the right guy since. Does that make me someone to wonder about? Maybe, but then if you don’t know someone’s history, sometimes it really is a matter of picking the wrong person from the get-go. People can hide their flaws early on or they can lie like a charmer in order to get someone only to bail on them later. It’s happened to me more than a couple times. I was hookwinked into believing they were something they were not. So, I don’t automatically assume that because someone has had a number of failed relationships that it’s always their fault. If they have an addiction or serious personality flaw, then more than likely, they are causing their own problems. Otherwise, I’d hate for others to believe that because I’m 49 and single that I’m somehow undesirable as a mate because I haven’t had a long-term serious relationship in several years.

]]> By: Mark http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36885 Mark Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:09:20 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36885 Just to add a male perspective, here are a few of the things I've learned from relationships I've had since my marriage broke up: - I can't deal with frequent anger. When the other person in the relationship reacts with anger, it's a sign that the relationship is in serious trouble. - Fighting is bad, always. Two reasonable adults can disagree and even be disappointed without resorting to fighting. If you fight, that's a serious warning sign. - Playing games is bad. If a woman is into games playing, that's a bad sign. Just be natural. If you feel like calling a guy, call him. Don't wait by the phone refusing to be the one who calls. - If the relationship doesn't feel quite right, chances are time won't fix it. Maybe a talk will, but don't fool yourself and think that it's only a matter of spending more time together to make things more comfortable. - Kids are an issue. Most of us who have been parents and find ourselves single again aren't really looking to parent another person's child. If we love him or her, we will gladly do it, but if there is reluctance in your heart about that parenting, it may indicate how you truly feel about your dating partner. - A lot of us who find ourselves single again may have our own issues. Try to assign some blame to yourself when you assess your failed relationships. Even if the other person was bad, did you do everything right? - People who have had a lot of failed relationships are people to wonder about. I've dated women who can't sustain a relationship, and after getting to know them better, it's not always hard to see why. Don't write off these people, but be wary. Relationships take work, and forgiveness, and giving. If the other person doesn't have these qualities, they may not be a person you can be with long-term. Just to add a male perspective, here are a few of the things I’ve learned from relationships I’ve had since my marriage broke up:

- I can’t deal with frequent anger. When the other person in the relationship reacts with anger, it’s a sign that the relationship is in serious trouble.

- Fighting is bad, always. Two reasonable adults can disagree and even be disappointed without resorting to fighting. If you fight, that’s a serious warning sign.

- Playing games is bad. If a woman is into games playing, that’s a bad sign. Just be natural. If you feel like calling a guy, call him. Don’t wait by the phone refusing to be the one who calls.

- If the relationship doesn’t feel quite right, chances are time won’t fix it. Maybe a talk will, but don’t fool yourself and think that it’s only a matter of spending more time together to make things more comfortable.

- Kids are an issue. Most of us who have been parents and find ourselves single again aren’t really looking to parent another person’s child. If we love him or her, we will gladly do it, but if there is reluctance in your heart about that parenting, it may indicate how you truly feel about your dating partner.

- A lot of us who find ourselves single again may have our own issues. Try to assign some blame to yourself when you assess your failed relationships. Even if the other person was bad, did you do everything right?

- People who have had a lot of failed relationships are people to wonder about. I’ve dated women who can’t sustain a relationship, and after getting to know them better, it’s not always hard to see why. Don’t write off these people, but be wary. Relationships take work, and forgiveness, and giving. If the other person doesn’t have these qualities, they may not be a person you can be with long-term.

]]> By: Gatti http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36420 Gatti Sat, 13 Mar 2010 16:40:20 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36420 I like 9. I moved into a tiny house, all on my own, when we broke up and it was brilliant. I loved getting up and seeing all my things again, ornaments and whatnot, that had lived in boxes to make room for his stuff. And never having to worry about bumping into his 3,000,000 fragile models and stuff, bliss! I like 9. I moved into a tiny house, all on my own, when we broke up and it was brilliant. I loved getting up and seeing all my things again, ornaments and whatnot, that had lived in boxes to make room for his stuff. And never having to worry about bumping into his 3,000,000 fragile models and stuff, bliss!

]]> By: Kim http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36410 Kim Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:33:08 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36410 Misty, that was my exact relationship with an alcoholic. unfortunately, he is the father of my daughter and is still hanging in the outer circle............ Misty, that was my exact relationship with an alcoholic. unfortunately, he is the father of my daughter and is still hanging in the outer circle…………

]]> By: 300girl http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36408 300girl Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:27:26 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36408 Completely agree with 7-10. I, too, was in an emotionally abusive relationship. After being alone and dealing with life by myself for the past 3 months, I can see that I was lonlier with him than I am without him. All of the suspicion he brought into the relationship, all of the emotionally enraged situations he would inflict taught me how I don't want my life to be. I will be grateful for that. I am experiencing many emotions going through life as a single person, but when it comes down to it life is so much better without this bad person in my life. Completely agree with 7-10. I, too, was in an emotionally abusive relationship. After being alone and dealing with life by myself for the past 3 months, I can see that I was lonlier with him than I am without him. All of the suspicion he brought into the relationship, all of the emotionally enraged situations he would inflict taught me how I don’t want my life to be. I will be grateful for that. I am experiencing many emotions going through life as a single person, but when it comes down to it life is so much better without this bad person in my life.

]]> By: Mitsy http://www.datinggoddess.com/guest-post-10-reasons-to-thank-your-bad-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-36274 Mitsy Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:27:12 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=3622#comment-36274 I can relate to a couple of those. However, #7 says it all better than anything I might add "He taught you that while breaking up might be hard to do, staying in a fundamentally miserable, spiritually chaotic, emotionally unsafe, and unutterably unfulfilling relationship was worse;" That is the synopsis of what dating life with an alcoholic is like. You lose yourself in what become verbal abuse, emotional abuse & misery. While I was lonely later, I realized I was lonely WITH him because it was always about him and his issues/dramas, etc. Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you feel emotionally unsafe or vulnerable. I can relate to a couple of those. However, #7 says it all better than anything I might add “He taught you that while breaking up might be hard to do, staying in a fundamentally miserable, spiritually chaotic, emotionally unsafe, and unutterably unfulfilling relationship was worse;”

That is the synopsis of what dating life with an alcoholic is like. You lose yourself in what become verbal abuse, emotional abuse & misery. While I was lonely later, I realized I was lonely WITH him because it was always about him and his issues/dramas, etc. Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you feel emotionally unsafe or vulnerable.

]]>