Comments on: Gently telling him you want to be friends http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/ Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:57:57 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: hunter http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1746 hunter Sun, 04 Nov 2007 04:14:59 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=736#comment-1746 to previously Q, I like your, "Next.!!!"...... to previously Q,

I like your, “Next.!!!”……

]]> By: PreviouslyQueenofE http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1748 PreviouslyQueenofE Sun, 04 Nov 2007 03:06:36 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=736#comment-1748 Fellow mid life daters, I have to share my most recent escapade (read: escape-apade) with you. I have had four dates with a man who seemed genuine, respectful, sincere, a litte naive, sweet. Nice, was the word I kept using to friends. He's a nice guy. Attractive, great smile. But it was apparent to me on date 3 that the chemistry really wasn't there, there had been some but a really big part of me was saying "nope". We had already scheduled date 4, a supper at my house, so I let it lie. After the supper at my house, I logged on and found this post, and also had already drafted my "have a nice life" email (only much more classy and tender), but decided I would actually ask him how HE felt. Maybe he was shy? Maybe he didn't want to offend me by actually laying a hand on me beyond a guiding gesture in the small of my back? So I did it, I asked him how he felt about us, and he said, 'the dating?' and I said yes, and he said "awkward." He told me it felt awkward, he was respectful, he had seen the way his single friends treated the women they were dating and didn't want to do that too. He even made a joke. He had another call on his land line then, I could hear him as he took it, people were coming in to spend the weekend and were on his street trying to find his house. He came back on and asked could he call me later. He said I had guts bringing up this conversation. Whatever. That was Thursday. No call back. So tonight, I go to a local restaurant with a girlfriend where there is an art show and a wine tasting. I saw his truck in the parking lot, it's very recognizable. The gf and I are prepared to meet him. I was looking particularly good tonight, in a very good frame of mind and that is more important than any amount of makeup. So we're walking toward the part of the restaurant that is hosting the art show and there he is! Kissing a woman! We had to walk past them to get to the other part of the restaurant, so as we excused ourselves around them, I smiled and said hello and nice to see you again, and he kind of smiled back and said hi nice to see you too and I walked on with my friend. (A very bad part of me wishes that the girl he was kissing is one of those incredibly suspiscious types who will now badger and grill him about the slim brunette who greeted him and make his life hell, but I doubt that will happen...) I went on to have a fabulous evening, and am still laughing about it, but I am even more convinced about listening to my gut feeling early on (chemistry either is or it isn't, no matter how old we are) and also I am a little more suspiscious of the "genuine, sincere" guy. I have always given people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, the last few I've been through are definitely toughening me up. I have someone else interested, who met me and asked a coworker for my number, so it's not like I don't have someone else in the pipeline, and I was already writing this one off....NEXT!!!! Fellow mid life daters, I have to share my most recent escapade (read: escape-apade) with you. I have had four dates with a man who seemed genuine, respectful, sincere, a litte naive, sweet. Nice, was the word I kept using to friends. He’s a nice guy. Attractive, great smile. But it was apparent to me on date 3 that the chemistry really wasn’t there, there had been some but a really big part of me was saying “nope”. We had already scheduled date 4, a supper at my house, so I let it lie. After the supper at my house, I logged on and found this post, and also had already drafted my “have a nice life” email (only much more classy and tender), but decided I would actually ask him how HE felt. Maybe he was shy? Maybe he didn’t want to offend me by actually laying a hand on me beyond a guiding gesture in the small of my back? So I did it, I asked him how he felt about us, and he said, ‘the dating?’ and I said yes, and he said “awkward.” He told me it felt awkward, he was respectful, he had seen the way his single friends treated the women they were dating and didn’t want to do that too. He even made a joke. He had another call on his land line then, I could hear him as he took it, people were coming in to spend the weekend and were on his street trying to find his house. He came back on and asked could he call me later. He said I had guts bringing up this conversation. Whatever. That was Thursday. No call back.

So tonight, I go to a local restaurant with a girlfriend where there is an art show and a wine tasting. I saw his truck in the parking lot, it’s very recognizable. The gf and I are prepared to meet him. I was looking particularly good tonight, in a very good frame of mind and that is more important than any amount of makeup. So we’re walking toward the part of the restaurant that is hosting the art show and there he is! Kissing a woman! We had to walk past them to get to the other part of the restaurant, so as we excused ourselves around them, I smiled and said hello and nice to see you again, and he kind of smiled back and said hi nice to see you too and I walked on with my friend. (A very bad part of me wishes that the girl he was kissing is one of those incredibly suspiscious types who will now badger and grill him about the slim brunette who greeted him and make his life hell, but I doubt that will happen…)

I went on to have a fabulous evening, and am still laughing about it, but I am even more convinced about listening to my gut feeling early on (chemistry either is or it isn’t, no matter how old we are) and also I am a little more suspiscious of the “genuine, sincere” guy. I have always given people the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, the last few I’ve been through are definitely toughening me up.

I have someone else interested, who met me and asked a coworker for my number, so it’s not like I don’t have someone else in the pipeline, and I was already writing this one off….NEXT!!!!

]]> By: Greg http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1749 Greg Sat, 03 Nov 2007 21:35:12 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=736#comment-1749 I think that asking to stay friends, with no expectation of more than that, is a good approach, but only if you really mean it. If not, then when the friend offers to buy a coffee or drink to chat and catch up, it could be awkward. And for those on the recieving end of "lets just be friends," if you think there could be more, accept it. Perceptions change, and if a friendship is allowed to continue, something more could come of it (IF you are sincere in accepting friendship only. "When Harry Met Sally" is a rare situation). At worst, you have another friend. I think that asking to stay friends, with no expectation of more than that, is a good approach, but only if you really mean it. If not, then when the friend offers to buy a coffee or drink to chat and catch up, it could be awkward. And for those on the recieving end of “lets just be friends,” if you think there could be more, accept it. Perceptions change, and if a friendship is allowed to continue, something more could come of it (IF you are sincere in accepting friendship only. “When Harry Met Sally” is a rare situation). At worst, you have another friend.

]]> By: walt http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1750 walt Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:22:28 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=736#comment-1750 Hey DG - do you think the rules are any different when it's a friend of a friend, rather than someone you're unlikely to ever run into again? I had a date this week with a friend of a friend, and am not interested in anything further, but she seemed to be. Do I need to call her, or will email suffice? The objective obviously is to make sure my friend thinks I handled things appropriately. If it was me on the other end of it, I'd rather get the email, so I don't have to deal with the rejection directly. Hey DG - do you think the rules are any different when it’s a friend of a friend, rather than someone you’re unlikely to ever run into again? I had a date this week with a friend of a friend, and am not interested in anything further, but she seemed to be. Do I need to call her, or will email suffice? The objective obviously is to make sure my friend thinks I handled things appropriately. If it was me on the other end of it, I’d rather get the email, so I don’t have to deal with the rejection directly.

]]> By: cybergrayghost http://www.datinggoddess.com/gently-telling-him-you-want-to-be-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1747 cybergrayghost Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:41:08 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=736#comment-1747 Well, I think that most all of us have been on both sides of this particular issue, I know I have and I'm currently trying to decipher if I'm on the receiving end of one albeit how screwily worded (short version, she needs 'wide open space' but wants to stay friends, then has emailed since with some very quiet personal comments). The one thing I've noted from being on the 'giving' end, it's never seemed to matter how gently I try to do it, it's always had the Lady very upset with me. Over the years, I've actually only had one that I happened to run into tell me that she treated me poorly and wished that she had tried to stay friends during the intervening years. On the other hand, I've actually remained friends with the couple of friends 'requests' I've been dealt over the years and it's worked out fairly decently. Later All!! Well, I think that most all of us have been on both sides of this particular issue, I know I have and I’m currently trying to decipher if I’m on the receiving end of one albeit how screwily worded (short version, she needs ‘wide open space’ but wants to stay friends, then has emailed since with some very quiet personal comments). The one thing I’ve noted from being on the ‘giving’ end, it’s never seemed to matter how gently I try to do it, it’s always had the Lady very upset with me. Over the years, I’ve actually only had one that I happened to run into tell me that she treated me poorly and wished that she had tried to stay friends during the intervening years. On the other hand, I’ve actually remained friends with the couple of friends ‘requests’ I’ve been dealt over the years and it’s worked out fairly decently. Later All!!

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