Fresh out of men?

by Dating Goddess on May 10, 2007

When you find yourself out of prospective dates, wouldn’t it be great if you could just go to the store and pick up what you want? Were it that easy. In “Shopping for men” I described how sometimes you have to be creative and patient in your search.

DG reader Stephanie writes,

“What happens when you run out of men? I’ve been on two online dating sites for the last 2.5 years and feel like I see the same guys over and over. I’ve tried volunteering, asking friends, talking to men in the wine store. I’m about ready to give up. I’m just not finding anyone who floats my boat. Any thoughts?”

I’m not really an expert on how to meet men, as nearly all my dates have come through online sites. But that doesn’t stop me from having an opinion!

You’re doing the right thing getting out there doing things you like and letting your friends know you’re wanting to meet interesting men. You might expand even more by taking classes about things you want to know. I took a class in auto mechanics years ago, not to meet men, but to learn about my car. But there were some cuties in the class.

cigarAlso go to stores men frequent. As I say that, I realize you could probably meet a lot of men at the cigar store, but who could stand the smell? So don’t go to places you don’t have an interest in.

However, I make a point of looking presentable (not all dated up, but still clean and neat) when I go to the hardware and electronics stores. I’ve even asked attractive men for their opinions in both. While this hasn’t yielded a date, you get used to talking to strangers, and you make sure you are presentable even for a Fry’s run for CD-ROMs.

Someone once suggested that I take up golf as the ratio of men to women was in my favor! I took a golf lesson once and wasn’t entranced, so I’ve ignored that advice. But for some women it would be perfect if they liked the game. There is a steady stream of men teeing up all day long!

Now, let’s revisit the virtual part of your quest. When I’ve had dry spells in between men, I’ve adjusted my online activities. First, go back through those familiar faces and give them a little more focus. Sometimes I’ve found something in a guy’s profile that sounds interesting beyond my initial first read. Or maybe he’s posted a new pic that is more appealing that the previous one. If so, I make contact.

Second, if the site lists “mutual matches” or “reverse matches” (as Match.com does), go through those to see if anyone new jumps out. Maybe one or two criteria kept them out of your original search, but it isn’t really a deal breaker if he’s 5-foot-eleven instead of 6-feet tall.

And third, try being a bit more liberal in your search criteria. For example, if your searches have been limited to 25 miles from your house, when you expand that to 50, many more matches will appear. The same with age, income, height, etc.

There are many more than two dating sites, so try posting your profile to others. Most don’t require you to pay to post your profile, so you can see how much interest you get before you have to pony up and join.

Although I generally counsel women not to initiate the first contact, if you aren’t getting a lot of emails, then time to take some action. In “Dear Fido” I share how I wrote to a guy’s dog to make a fun first impression. And his dog wrote back!

A friend has had great success meeting interesting men through It’s Just Lunch. Other introduction services like Table for Six can also offer new faces. If there’s one near you and you aren’t put off by the initiation fee, it can yield some great guys.

So if you’re feeling you’re running out of good prospects, either take a break from searching for a while, or mix up your efforts. Remember, just like shopping for clothes, shopping for men should be fun!

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Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Bookyone May 10, 2007 at 5:48 am

Hi DG,

Great advice, most interesting. I’m curious: what online sites do you find are the best for meeting men over 40? I’ve found most of the free sites I’ve checked out cater mostly to the under 30 crowd.

Best wishes from bookyone 🙂

Dating Goddess May 11, 2007 at 12:47 am

Hi Booky:

The ones I and my friends seem to have the best luck with are listed in the blogroll to the right. I’ve tried about 20 sites and these yield the best — at least for me — contacts.

Sassy May 11, 2007 at 7:01 am

DG,

Thanks for addressing my topic on your blog. I actually went to my Match site last night and increased my target age range by just one year. Lots of cute men and two that were nice possibilities.

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