There are lulls in dating life when you have no active prospects. You’ve moved to the “friends” category anyone who’s contacted you in the past. No one interesting has appeared on the horizon.
For most daters, this is their most frequent experience, lingering, perhaps checking online sites for new arrivals. But either no one contacts us or returns our emails.
So we cool our jets, not giving up our desire to have someone special in our lives, but feeling we’ve done everything we’re willing to do for the time being. We know there are other activities in which we could engage if we were being aggressive in our search. But right now, singles dances and matchmakers feel like more work than we’d like.
We try to not drop into a defeatist mentality, succumbing to the oft-chanted mantra of others whose cynicism has taken over: “The good ones are all taken or gay,” “The only ones left in the dating pool are losers” (which, by definition, means we must be in that category since we’re still available).
If you find yourself in a lull, buck up. Enjoy your opportunity to be self-focused (or as much as you can if you have kids at home). You get to do whatever you want, without concerning yourself with anyone else’s feelings or desires. You get to eat in bed, wear your ratty night clothes, not shave your legs — if you want.
However, don’t let your self-absorbed habits become too engrained. Be mindful that you will want to repair your slovenliness once you have someone else in your life.
But for now, enjoy. Get to know yourself even better. Find out what you really like to do. See this time as a chance to spread your wings, unencumbered with concern for a partner.
What have you done during dry spells to keep your spirits up about finding a sweetie?
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