Comments on: Doing what’s right, not what’s easy

By: Mitsy

Mitsy — Tue, 19 May 2009 02:32:16 +0000

I said after 6 months or so (not 3 dates). Six months is a much bigger investment emotion wise for most people, so I would expect someone to call or talk to me in person if we had that much time behind us and one of us decided to end things.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Sat, 09 May 2009 16:53:55 +0000

I think it’s fine to email after 3 dates to say you’re not a match, especially if the dates were just a few hours in duration without intimacy. I would use my best judgement and act appropriately. If I had spoken to him several times before meeting followed by our dates being hours long each time or something, I would probably call instead. I think how one ends it after 3 dates might depend on the quality of the communication that’s been going on, eh? Since she didn’t really feel like calling after 3 dates it sounds like there wasn’t much happening. I think sending a respectful explanation via email is OK depending on the circumstance. Doesn’t mean I’m not a stand up gal or a chicken.

By: Mitsy

Mitsy — Sun, 03 May 2009 21:07:55 +0000

I’d say any kind of “steady” relationship requires the guy to end things like a man if he’s changed his mind about things. Going out for several months (6 months especially) would not justify a guy just bailing with no word whatsoever. I don’t care how uncomfortable, how cowardly he might feel, if he has any kind of set of balls, he needs to talk to the woman. Same requirements for a woman who wants to end things. Stand-up men or women need to step up to the plate and not be wimpy or cowardly. In the end, the other person will probably be disappointed, but they will not have the same kind of ego or self-esteem issues at stake like they would when someone just “ghosts’ or becomes missing in action. I would expect chicken-SHXX kind of behavior out of 20-something year olds, but I don’t expect nor should anyone tolerate it out of someone in their 30’s and 40’s and beyond.

By: Angela

Angela — Sun, 03 May 2009 06:14:36 +0000

After three dates I would say don’t call. There is such a thing called nonverbal communication and we all need to do a better job understanding it. Many men have told me that they rather you not say sorry, we are not a match. They realize that by you not calling, you are not interested and it allows them to have a multitude of reasons why not. These reason allow the ego to stay intact and I could not agree more. If after 3 dates a guy stops calling me I would accept his lack of interest and move on. As women we tend to over analyze very simple things. The why is really not relevant. I would conclude ‘He just not that in to me”

By: Vertigo

Vertigo — Sun, 03 May 2009 00:20:59 +0000

Hello All, it’s so great to read your comments and realize that I am not the only one experiencing all these crazy “adventures” or rather “misadventures” in dating. I dated a guy for about 6 months a few years ago, and fell for him quite hard. He then disappeared from my life…completely. I couldn’t get a hold of him. And I was devastated. Utterly devastated. It took me a long time to realize that “he was just not that into me” and that he was a coward for not having the guts to say that to me directly. I’m learning to spot the “cowards” a little easier these days…but it’s still disappointing when someone does not have the courage to say goodbye.