I agree, but my point is that you can like the other person and be liked in return just from emails, but then when you finally meet, there just isn’t that spark of physical attraction there.

This is my personal experience with it all. There was one woman I emailed and we ended up writing a couple of dozen lengthy emails back and forth, and spent a few hours on several phone calls. We were both highly interested. And then we finally met and…nothing, and the feeling was mutual. We had a nice conversation over coffee, but that was it. There was no desire to continue any kind of relationship.

So looking back, I felt like I wasted time and energy on that potential relationship. We could have had the same experience we had when we finally met if we had met a week or two earlier, without all the emails and phone calls.

And I think it can go in reverse, too. Not everyone can express him or herself well in email. You might not click with someone over email, but if that person seems to have interesting qualities that may not be coming through in email, it still might be worth meeting for coffee.

One last thing: As much as I enjoyed some aspects of online dating, my most recent relationship (eight months and counting) started the old-fashioned way. I met someone in person. It was really refreshing to meet someone that way. And the funny thing is, I almost chased her away after I asked her out. I got her email address at the same time, and I think I went into online dating mode and sent her three or four emails over the space of a few days. She later told me my emails seemed a bit needy to her (she has never online dated) and she wanted to call off the initial date, but didn’t because she believed in living up to a promise.

When I was dating I was a great believer in a few emails to set the tone and find out if there were any common interests, a couple of phone calls to get used to the voice and then…straight to the date!

Worked for me. I had a number of very nice dates with nice men (I chose pretty well), though there were no fireworks. Most of them wanted to see me again. And then I met him: about 4 emails, two phone calls, lunch and whum… By the time the food came it was a done deal. It’s two and a half years later. The wedding is in October. It IS possible!

So I see no reason to spend a lot of time emailing. I’ll do a few, but then we should just meet for coffee. That’s a very safe way for a woman to meet a man. She doesn’t have to give him her phone number or even real name if she is using a pseudonym in her email. And if she is wary of him seeing her car she could even have a friend drop her off.

As to men not closing, I guess some are like that. I do know that we men sometimes worry about appearing too pushy, but I’d rather come off as that then spend a couple of weeks writing a dozen emails.