Does he know how to close?

by Dating Goddess on June 24, 2009

I love dating men with a sales background.

Why?


Because they know how to close. How to ask for the order. How to pursue. How to keep clients happy.

“Close” in dating means to ask for your email address, phone number or date. I’ve found a lot of men don’t know how to advance the relationship. Some are way too timid, taking weeks to ask for my number. Some are way too forward, asking for my number after one email exchange.

I understand many men don’t like to exchange a lot of emails. They are either poor typists or poor spellers and feel it takes too long time to say what would take seconds on the phone. But I like to have a few email exchanges to get a sense of a man’s ability to communicate clearly in writing and that he doesn’t get sexual too soon.

Some men seem happy to have a pen pal relationship, stretching the emails out over weeks. This gets wearisome, too. Some men think it gentlemanly to wait until the woman is comfortable enough to offer her number. Other men offer theirs first, knowing some women are not comfortable giving out her number. I prefer a man call me as it shows he has enough interest to pick up the phone. Giving me his number puts the onus on me.

Some women have no problem assertively asking, “When shall we get together?” I don’t like to ask that as I feel a man needs to be assertive enough to ask for the “order” — a date. I don’t want to be the one initiating, at least not at first. I don’t mind initiating once we’ve gone out a few times.

In writing my book on sales, I discovered a common complaint from customers was salespeople who never asked for the order. Salespeople could have an hour-long meeting with the prospect uncovering their needs and constraints, then just thank the prospect at the end, without ever asking for the order. The prospect didn’t feel it was their job to say, “It sounds like you have exactly what I need. How can I order?” They wanted the salesperson to ask for the business.

This is true in dating. If a woman has to prod a man to “ask for the order,” he’s probably not that interested or confident enough.

Salesmen also understand that if they want to secure the “account” (you) they have to make some effort to earn the “business” (your affection). They know they can’t ignore a customer and expect to be received with open arms when they next connect. The customer may have found another supplier (man) to give them what they want. Good salesmen know if you want to keep a customer, you have to give them some attention.

These are basics that every salesperson knows. It would seem common sense, but to those outside of sales it doesn’t appear to be common knowledge — or at least common practice.

The downside of dating salesmen is sometimes they are focused on putting up the numbers — closing the initial deal. If they are used to one-time sales, not ongoing orders, they don’t fully understand the importance of “customer maintenance” — keeping you engaged beyond the initial conquest.

What do you think of dating men with a sales background? What do they do that works and doesn’t work?
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Mark June 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm

I’ll give the man’s perspective here. I do not want to spend much time emailing. It’s not that I can’t write — I write very well. It’s just that past experience has shown me that no matter how well we seem to connect via email and phone calls, sometimes the first physical meeting results in zero interest.

So I see no reason to spend a lot of time emailing. I’ll do a few, but then we should just meet for coffee. That’s a very safe way for a woman to meet a man. She doesn’t have to give him her phone number or even real name if she is using a pseudonym in her email. And if she is wary of him seeing her car she could even have a friend drop her off.

As to men not closing, I guess some are like that. I do know that we men sometimes worry about appearing too pushy, but I’d rather come off as that then spend a couple of weeks writing a dozen emails.

Katherine June 24, 2009 at 3:54 pm

I must agree with Mark regarding the back and forth emails….it’s amazing what you can create with the written word, only to find out there is nothing in person….

Gatti June 25, 2009 at 1:27 am

I’ve talked with so many people who have used internet dating sites and my heart sinks when they say something like, “We’ve exchanged HUNDREDS of emails!”. Oh dear…

When I was dating I was a great believer in a few emails to set the tone and find out if there were any common interests, a couple of phone calls to get used to the voice and then…straight to the date!

Worked for me. I had a number of very nice dates with nice men (I chose pretty well), though there were no fireworks. Most of them wanted to see me again. And then I met him: about 4 emails, two phone calls, lunch and whum… By the time the food came it was a done deal. It’s two and a half years later. The wedding is in October. It IS possible! :-)

fervids_ls June 25, 2009 at 4:56 am

But Online Dating starts with emails and chats only. I agree with Mark that physical dating is more worthy than online, but if you can’t impress the person on the side, then there’s no point. The ultimate thing is you should be liked – whether be it the way you talk or the way your present yourself.

Anna June 25, 2009 at 9:20 am

Gatti, you give us wonderful hope that this online dating does lead to great quality relationships! DG, I like your new website.

Samantha June 25, 2009 at 10:21 pm

I’ve said it a lot on here. The phone convo and a few emails establish enough interest to meet face to face and that’s about it. The man needs to see me to know if he’s attracted and I know that’s the way it is… I dont want to build things up too much with fluffy talk and emails. They usually take one look at you and if there’s no attraction… insert vision of balloon deflating…..

Mark June 26, 2009 at 9:59 pm

“But Online Dating starts with emails and chats only. I agree with Mark that physical dating is more worthy than online, but if you can’t impress the person on the side, then there’s no point. The ultimate thing is you should be liked – whether be it the way you talk or the way your present yourself.”

I agree, but my point is that you can like the other person and be liked in return just from emails, but then when you finally meet, there just isn’t that spark of physical attraction there.

This is my personal experience with it all. There was one woman I emailed and we ended up writing a couple of dozen lengthy emails back and forth, and spent a few hours on several phone calls. We were both highly interested. And then we finally met and…nothing, and the feeling was mutual. We had a nice conversation over coffee, but that was it. There was no desire to continue any kind of relationship.

So looking back, I felt like I wasted time and energy on that potential relationship. We could have had the same experience we had when we finally met if we had met a week or two earlier, without all the emails and phone calls.

And I think it can go in reverse, too. Not everyone can express him or herself well in email. You might not click with someone over email, but if that person seems to have interesting qualities that may not be coming through in email, it still might be worth meeting for coffee.

One last thing: As much as I enjoyed some aspects of online dating, my most recent relationship (eight months and counting) started the old-fashioned way. I met someone in person. It was really refreshing to meet someone that way. And the funny thing is, I almost chased her away after I asked her out. I got her email address at the same time, and I think I went into online dating mode and sent her three or four emails over the space of a few days. She later told me my emails seemed a bit needy to her (she has never online dated) and she wanted to call off the initial date, but didn’t because she believed in living up to a promise.

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