Comments on: Do you project life with your date? http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/ Dating over 40 advice by the Dating Goddess™, who dated 101 men after her 20-year marriage ended. Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:49:54 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Nick http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-864 Nick Tue, 03 Jul 2007 13:29:46 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-864 Strblonde - I can be a negative thinker in general (in fact, a significant part of my job requires me to do so). But if I can't visualize being with her doing the mundane stuff, then it's difficult for me to believe that we'd be able to hold each other's interest. Strblonde – I can be a negative thinker in general (in fact, a significant part of my job requires me to do so). But if I can’t visualize being with her doing the mundane stuff, then it’s difficult for me to believe that we’d be able to hold each other’s interest.

]]> By: Deborah http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-862 Deborah Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:53:56 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-862 I am guilty of this, and it can really mess with my head. However, I think you can also use those fantasies to force yourself to be honest about the potential for a relationship. I once dated a guy with two kids, 5 and 7 years old. I was fantasizing about hanging out with his children, when I realized I didn't want young children in my life all the time. Had I not allowed myself to daydream ahead, I don't think I would have realized that. I've also learned to recognize that if I'm fantasizing about a BIG change in my lifestyle, then something is wrong: it means I'm not happy with how things are going in my life, not that the guy is "the one." I am guilty of this, and it can really mess with my head. However, I think you can also use those fantasies to force yourself to be honest about the potential for a relationship. I once dated a guy with two kids, 5 and 7 years old. I was fantasizing about hanging out with his children, when I realized I didn’t want young children in my life all the time. Had I not allowed myself to daydream ahead, I don’t think I would have realized that. I’ve also learned to recognize that if I’m fantasizing about a BIG change in my lifestyle, then something is wrong: it means I’m not happy with how things are going in my life, not that the guy is “the one.”

]]> By: Strblonde http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-863 Strblonde Fri, 22 Jun 2007 11:17:44 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-863 Do you suppose if we were negative thinkers that we would not fantasize like this??? Do you suppose if we were negative thinkers that we would not fantasize like this???

]]> By: Paulette http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-858 Paulette Fri, 22 Jun 2007 01:11:55 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-858 First, as to whether you're weird or not, well, you're in good company if we collectively conclude you are! Just yesterday, in fact, I had a coffee date with someone I knew very little about. Yes, I read into the words I saw online, on the plus side before meeting with him. Then, while chatting for a couple hours over an iced tea, I found myself imagine lots (and lots and lots!) of things on the minus side. The great news here was that I think there was a mutual non-love connection! However, as you recently discussed in another post, it looks like he may be helpful in making some professional connections on my behalf. So it was worth getting dated up, regardless. First, as to whether you’re weird or not, well, you’re in good company if we collectively conclude you are! Just yesterday, in fact, I had a coffee date with someone I knew very little about. Yes, I read into the words I saw online, on the plus side before meeting with him. Then, while chatting for a couple hours over an iced tea, I found myself imagine lots (and lots and lots!) of things on the minus side. The great news here was that I think there was a mutual non-love connection! However, as you recently discussed in another post, it looks like he may be helpful in making some professional connections on my behalf. So it was worth getting dated up, regardless.

]]> By: dirty filthy princess http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-860 dirty filthy princess Thu, 21 Jun 2007 22:51:55 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-860 oh no, you are not alone. I'm married now but I did this when I was dating. I liked your examples but couldn't identify with any of them. What do you imagine when you meet a guy with a regular working man's job? Or is that not your type. (Sort of being silly teasing here...) oh no, you are not alone. I’m married now but I did this when I was dating.

I liked your examples but couldn’t identify with any of them. What do you imagine when you meet a guy with a regular working man’s job? Or is that not your type.

(Sort of being silly teasing here…)

]]> By: Bookyone http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-859 Bookyone Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:36:00 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-859 Hi DG, You have been reading my mind yet again, I just know it. :) I haven't met my OL friend in person yet and already I'm guilty of this, wondering what life with him would be like. Of course it doesn't help that I've also been fantasizing about a change of climate for some time now, even before we met. While I enjoy these fantasies they also scare me as he has said we can't possibly know how we'll hit it off until we meet in person (and he's right), yet I'm scared of fantasizing and falling in love with him because of the fantasies only to have my heart broken yet again. I'm trying to tell myself to stop fantasizing about him, but even when I can control my conscious thoughts to some degree, my dreams are another matter entirely. Ah, the joys of midlife dating... :) Best wishes from bookyone :) Hi DG,

You have been reading my mind yet again, I just know it. :) I haven’t met my OL friend in person yet and already I’m guilty of this, wondering what life with him would be like. Of course it doesn’t help that I’ve also been fantasizing about a change of climate for some time now, even before we met.

While I enjoy these fantasies they also scare me as he has said we can’t possibly know how we’ll hit it off until we meet in person (and he’s right), yet I’m scared of fantasizing and falling in love with him because of the fantasies only to have my heart broken yet again. I’m trying to tell myself to stop fantasizing about him, but even when I can control my conscious thoughts to some degree, my dreams are another matter entirely.

Ah, the joys of midlife dating… :)

Best wishes from bookyone :)

]]> By: Strblonde http://www.datinggoddess.com/do-you-project-life-with-your-date/comment-page-1/#comment-861 Strblonde Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:23:15 +0000 http://www.datinggoddess.com/?p=475#comment-861 No, DG, you certainly are not alone in this behavior. With the last guy (Iowa guy) I definitely was doing that, but only AFTER he was talking about how we'd do this together and do that together,e tc. HE was the one who was projecting FIRST I am sure. I wanted to be cautious this time. Trouble was, after I started fantasizing that's when he decided to move to Alaska! So was it just his way out? He could have stayed an extra year to see where the relationship went before making his big move. After all, originally he hadn't planned to go until 2010. So I tell myself........next time - NO FANTASIZING! Easy to say. No, DG, you certainly are not alone in this behavior. With the last guy (Iowa guy) I definitely was doing that, but only AFTER he was talking about how we’d do this together and do that together,e tc. HE was the one who was projecting FIRST I am sure. I wanted to be cautious this time. Trouble was, after I started fantasizing that’s when he decided to move to Alaska! So was it just his way out? He could have stayed an extra year to see where the relationship went before making his big move. After all, originally he hadn’t planned to go until 2010. So I tell myself……..next time – NO FANTASIZING! Easy to say.

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