Do you own your wonderfulness?

by Dating Goddess on July 5, 2009

A Woman's Worth

A Woman's Worth

In A Woman’s Worth, Marianne Williamson says, “No man can convince a woman she’s wonderful, but if she already believes she is, his agreement can resonate and bring her joy.”

But how many of us dating in midlife focus on our wonderful qualities? Isn’t it more prevalent to notice your wrinkles, bad habits and other imperfections?

In a recent interview, I was asked “What qualities must a woman over 50 possess in order to maneuver through the dating maze?” I responded, “First, optimism. Really believing you are a great catch and there is someone who will recognize that. Too many women only focus on their flaws, not their characteristics that make them fabulous.”

Recently talking to a dating 50+ gal pal, we discussed how easy it is to wonder who would want a woman of our age when there are so many pert young women trolling for men in our age range. My friend is fabulous — smart, thoughtful, attractive, fit, funny, self-aware and accomplished. It’s hard to imagine she sees herself as anything but amazing. Yet self-doubt can creep into our psyches, no matter how the outside world sees us.

Marianne Williamson is right — we can’t be convinced by an outside source that we are wonderful. It has to come from within. I think others can help us see positive characteristics that we take for granted, so either don’t see or ignore. However, if we don’t have some seed of self-value, no matter how many times someone tells us how marvelous we are, we’ll never believe it.

One of the best gifts we can give to other daters — whether they be pals or someone who interests us — is to sincerely comment on their positive attributes. Even those traits we think they must hear about all the time — their smartness, wittiness, humor, good looks, dependability — still merit an acknowledgment.

Even if someone doesn’t think they posses the quality you see, if they hear it often enough the kernel of acceptance will grow. If they hear enough times, they can start to believe it and their confidence will grow.

__________________

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Samantha July 6, 2009 at 9:30 pm

I think the majority of those younger women want men their own age. I tried online dating on and off (mostly on) for 10 years. I found that as long as I kept my weight down, there was a lot more interest. I would absolutely not try online dating again with more than 20 extra lbs above where I should be. I look and feel wonderful in that range and have better results. Online is hard. People can be more judgemental. I’m not saying they all are…

Mark July 7, 2009 at 2:55 pm

I have trouble telling how old people are when they are in the 40-55 age range. You can see people in their early 40s who look like they are in their 50s, and the reverse is true also.

I expect middle-age people to have a bit extra around the middle, to have some wrinkles, to have some gray hair. None of that bothers me. It’s natural. I’m more attracted to someone closer to my age than someone quite a bit younger too. I want someone who has been through the same life experiences so we have common ground.

So I’m saying that those middle-aged flaws are not things that tend to bother me.

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