Comments on: Do you both have the same dating rhythm?

By: My phone’s not ringing. Is that you not calling? « Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 17:53:02 +0000

[...] linked to my posting “Do you both have the same dating rhythm?” (thanks Jeff!), so I felt compelled to comment. Here’s what I shared: My only tweak [...]

By: Manslations Reader Request: The Case of the Man Who Never Calls « Manslations

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 11:33:27 +0000

[...] Dating Goddess wrote a really interesting post about people having different “dating rhythms.” Could be the situation here. One of you doesn’t need the phone to feel like [...]

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 03:43:01 +0000

……nysharon,,,, you made me smile,,,,,, when I read what you said, “or just plain clueless”. We are all over, there must be hundreds of us this way….hhhmmmmmmh, how funny! Most men don’t ask about dating procedure, and when we do, very few have the patience to respond. Hmmmh, lol!

By: Lulu

Lulu — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 07:07:47 +0000

I think Jeff Mac has given us the archetypal male response – he reacts to the woman’s sense of what feels right, and he either pulls away or sticks with it, depending on how he feels about the woman. Keeping in contact with someone you are becoming emotionally involved with is second nature – if it’s lacking, the relationship isn’t working because someone doesn’t care enough. When I look around at couples in committed relationships in my own social circle, they instinctively contact each other daily, if not more, when they’re not together. Not because they have to, but because it feels totally natural.

By: nysharon

nysharon — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:33:14 +0000

I think you are right, a day or two you should hear from him unless there is something catistrophic going on for him. Conversation about these things up front are silly, and patience is the best course. He is not too concerned that some one else may snap you up/book your time and that is a yellow flag. I think if some one likes you, there should be some discussion over the next week about when you are available again to get together. Or he could be a game player or emotionally unavailable or just plain clueless (and do we want that at this stage of our life?). If in your situation, I would probably email him in a day or two and give him some information on your availability/schedule and see if he takes the bait. If he doesn’t put it aside. You deserve better.

PS. I think you are right about the different rhythms of dating though. I personally can only date one or two times a week due to my life, but the calling and contact is different.

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 13:44:22 +0000

As a guy, I can tell you how it is usually broached for me — it usually happens about 2 minutes into the call after the call that I SHOULD have made, but did not.

If I like her, I of course feel terribly guilty, and I make a mental note to attempt to correct whatever I did/didn’t do.

If we’re already not a great match, well, this gets me off the fence, and I start to plot my exit as I think, “Oh yeah. I guess I really am not all that motivated to call her. Wonder why…”

Interesting idea, DG — to head this issue off at the pass even before anybody needs to get yelled at!

http://manslations.com

By: sginjersey

sginjersey — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:57:48 +0000

DG–I’m someone who likes a lot of contact and have apparently scared off some women who felt it was too much too soon. I’m talking about talking/e-mailing/texting every other day after initial contact and dating for the first time. That didn’t seem like I was smothering or stalking, but you’re definitely correct in saying this is a sensitive issue for many people. Now I try to be straightforward and find out subtly how often she likes to stay in touch. Someone who only wants to talk once a week probably wouldn’t be my type anyways…