Dance card unfilled

by Dating Goddess on August 7, 2011

At my professional association conference last week I got a lot of attention. I was very visible in a number of sessions, so had a lot of people acknowledge my contributions. In one session, I made a joke about looking for dance partners for the gala.

About a dozen men came up to me afterward saying they wanted a slot on my dance card. I smiled and agreed.

I moseyed into the ballroom after the DJ began and looked for my pre-determined dance partners. One grabbed me and escorted me to the floor. We had a fun couple of dances. I noticed others stationed near the floor’s edge.

Another spun me for a few songs. Turns out — unbeknownst to me — that he’d been on his country’s Dancing with the Stars! No wonder he was a good dancer!

But that was it. Many of the others who had requested dances didn’t make it into the ballroom — obviously something else distracted them. But I’m curious about those who were close enough to the dance floor to see that I was available. Were they just being nice to ask beforehand for a dance?

It makes me ponder — once again — about curious male behavior. I know women tend to over think things like this, but it’s indicative of so much about dating. Men show interest then don’t follow through.

Conceivably these guys got involved with others with whom they were chatting, or maybe they thought I was otherwise engaged with those who’d taken me to the dance floor. Or maybe they didn’t like the way I danced! Who knows?

Of course, I could have reminded them they were on my dance card, but that felt a bit desperate. If I was really hankering for a dance, I could have done that. But I don’t  relish hunting down men who’ve shown interest but don’t deliver.

I wanted to share this story for other women who end up scratching their heads wondering why men show interest, then disappear. Bottom line: Don’t take it personally. They got distracted by something and so don’t wait for them to come around. Just keep dancing.

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Want examples of other head-scratching behaviors? Get your copy of Embracing Midlife Men: Insights Into Curious Behaviors.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Cat August 8, 2011 at 5:02 am

One last reason to add to the list: maybe they don’t know how to dance.

Suzy August 8, 2011 at 4:41 pm

What a timely topic – for me at least! I’m new to the dating sites and I’ve found that guys will start emailing you and then disappear. I know its not me, we haven’t exchanged enough information or enough emails for it to be something I said. Nonetheless I was starting to get a complex. So this post came at just the right time.

bookyone August 9, 2011 at 10:39 am

Hi DG,

It’s great you didn’t take the advances/retreats of these men personally, as so many do, without realizing a lack of initiative may be a gift in disguise, (who wants to get serious about someone who doesn’t have follow through?)

I’m aware this was just a fun social event and not a relational setting; still, IMHO, your upbeat attitude is just the ticket, whether seeking a partner for dancing or more. :)

Best wishes,

or maybe... August 9, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Or maybe no one wanted to follow Mr. Dancing With The Stars….if I was going to obviously come in second place to a competitive suitor, I would pass to. No one wants to follow that act.

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