Congruency is the best policy

by Dating Goddess on April 10, 2012

His profile listed his name as “Micheal” (sic). But his first email was signed “Gerald.” When I asked him about the discrepancy, he admitted his name was, indeed, Micheal. He said, “I just didn’t feel it was right to go ahead with my real name at first.”

Didn’t he realize everyone he contacted would see his name was listed as Micheal?

The irony was clinched when he also wrote, “Honesty is and always has been the best policy for me.” So dude, don’t you think lying about your name is dishonest? And dig this, he signed this email — in which he admitted his name was Micheal — as Gerard.

What’s up with this?

If we set aside the yellow flags that this is a scammer, and take it that he is a regular guy, how can someone really not see the irony in claiming that honesty is the best policy then lying about one’s name? Repeatedly?

Some men make it easy to pass on them. Then they wonder why there aren’t any “good women out there.” Maybe the good women are too smart to fall for dishonest men!
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Dating After 40Want more tips on how to tell if someone isn’t worth your time before you meet them? Get your copy of Check Him Out Before Going Out: Head Off Dud Dates.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Brenda April 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

Whoo boy, this one is a riot. N*e*x*t…………..

I like the ones, DG, who say they are divorced, but then give you their whole name inadvertently in their email (when you start emailing “offline”) – this makes it real easy to look up their website, and to find their wife’s website (who was an interior decorator of some stature in the south).

I ended up learning from her website (wedding photos and all) that he was on the west coast doing consulting work, hence my coming into contact with him on match.com.

When I called him to cancel our weekend brunch date, and told him why, there was this really big pregnant pause as I am sure he was trying to figure out how to answer my comment that I found out that he was married and I don’t date married men. He finally sputtered ” but we are separated”…………..yes, by the miles only because you are working as a consultant…………..Ugh!

I found a fair number of those duplicitous men, but thank goodness, they typically gave themselves away easily.

I found it was always great to keep the sleuth hat on when dating online :)

Brenda

Dating Goddess April 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Brenda:

Glad your sleuth hat is securely on!

I’m afraid I would have been tempted to contact his wife to (she said innocently) verify they are separated. If they were, he shouldn’t have had a problem with that. If they weren’t, you’d be helping the sisterhood by turning in his lying a**.

Many decades ago, pre-marriage, a gal pal and I met a couple of guys at a restaurant while skiing and enjoyed their company. I don’t remember why, but I (stupidly) agreed to let the one I was “with” drive me back to our cabin. While sitting in his truck talking, I learned more about this construction contractor, even getting his card. He said he’d call me once we were both back in our home areas.

A few days later when he didn’t call, I boldly (and righteously) called to see what was up, knowing something was not right. A woman answered and asked what my call was regarding. When I said, “I was concerned that he made it home okay after our date Sat. night, since he said he wanted to see me again,” you can imagine her surprise — since she was the un-separated wife! I felt he got what was coming to him.

Brenda April 10, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Oh, boy, I would have killed to be a fly on *that* wall………..

I probably should have called the wife in Atlanta………..I was reluctant to do so since this was her second marriage and they had small children. (all of this on her website)

The interesting thing about this man’s photo on match.com was that it only showed the side of his face (sort of an artsy photo) and I am convinced that was because he did not want anyone recognizing him!

I had a date with an Alaska Airlines pilot a few years back and met him on match.com. He had posted a photo that after I met him, in retrospect, I realized looked nothing like him. The reason he did so was because he, too, was married. And he didn’t want any friends of his wife or what-have-you scouring the mens’ profiles on match and finding his! He lives in Oregon when he is not flying 2 weeks out of the month; the other two weeks, he lives near Los Angeles and flies out of one of the airports here. He bragged hugely about his days of flying as a highly touted Blue Angel pilot so he had to give me his last name so I could google him :’) The ego will get them every time!

I was able to find his home address in Oregon and his wife’s name, etc, and the names of his two sons who lived with him there as well. Busted! He was speechless when I mentioned it on the telephone – what I would have given to have seen his face in person!

Tracy April 10, 2012 at 9:11 pm

oy vey…or as in my case the guy said he didn’t want to use his real name –or photo– to prevent identity fraud (sigh). Ok, keep it moving.

Mark April 12, 2012 at 6:17 am

Being back “on the market” for about 2 years now I have seen many, many women who do this and simply claim it’s a security issue for them. I wonder if those same women would allow men to use this same reasoning?

Brenda April 12, 2012 at 6:28 am

Mark, I wonder why women do it as a security issue- who would be able to locate them just by their first (correct) name? How did they explain that?

I dated online for several years and always used my first name. I only ran into a few men who did not.

Mark April 13, 2012 at 6:59 am

Brenda:

I never asked, just accepted the reasoning. However, with location, first name, and occupation (all usually available on any online dating site), one can do a pretty good job of identifying someone with Facebook, LinkedIn, and other social networking tools, so it’s not a far-fetched concern.

– Mark

Brenda April 13, 2012 at 10:11 am

yes, you are right, Mark. I have had men identify me with my first name, city where I practice, and my degree…………it’s very easy these days.

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