Command presence

by Dating Goddess on August 10, 2009

man in uniformFor decades (centuries?) women have been drawn to men in uniform. Is it the crispness of their attire that is the allure? The fact that you know they’ve learned responsibility and discipline from being in the service? Some appeal to our desire for a man who knows how to protect us? The respect we have for the sacrifice we know the wearer has and is willing to make?

My stay back in Brunei this week overlaps a large SE Asia military convention and air show. My hotel and the city are filled with military men and women. At the main shopping mall, I observed dozens of mostly men from all ranks in their country’s uniform.

While not all the men have a draw, I notice some do. In fact, I saw some Americans who were not in uniform, but had a certain bearing that makes me believe they are either in or have been in the military.

I’ve decided that a big part of a man in uniform’s appeal, whether he’s from the military or other military-based organizations like fire or police, is their carriage and posture. I’m told it’s called “command presence.”

When I dated a retired policeman, he said he’d learned how to stand and walk in a way that people knew he was in charge. He shared that this deportment could quell a brewing problem as those involved could tell by his stance that he was not going to take any gruff. His posture telegraphed confidence.

Of course, not all those in uniform carry themselves with gravitas. But those who do have a certain je ne sais quoi enticement. I’ve noticed a man who is not classically handsome can be quite enticing if his carriage is confident.

What have you noticed about a man’s posture and bearing and how it affects your attraction to him?

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In Search of King CharmingIdentify what you want in your next mate in the book In Search of King Charming: Who Do I Want to Share My Throne?

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Vikki August 11, 2009 at 8:21 am

Oh you are SO right! It’s not the uniform…..it’s the confidence that exudes from within it.

I am accused of being a “uniform chaser” all the time. I try to tell my girlfriends that it has nothing to do with it….but….they just don’t get it!

I can spot police officers (without their uniforms of course) a mile away!

Mitsy August 11, 2009 at 11:46 am

I can’t speak specifically about posture, but I’m sure a lot of that comes with the training they have gotten with the military or if they work in law enforcement. I have never dated a guy who was still in the military but I have gone out with or gotten somewhat involved with guys who worked in law enforcement to some degree or other. The first guy was the undercover security agent in the store I moonlight at part-time. I was literally after him for several years. He was the same guy who finally told me that he “didn’t need a woman”. Although he was not gay, he did not need the kind of normal interaction between a woman like most guys do. He was closed off if you got too close. Strangely enough, he and I have remained friends–partly due to the fact that we still work in the same store and I can call him if I am in a jam–I just know he’s not “dating material”.
The other one that I met several times and had several phone conversations with was a bounty hunter. He had been in the Marine’s and had gotten kicked out for hitting a sargeant. He really got off on his tough guy image and had a number of anger issues that came out in some online conversations. Needless to say, I knew he was “not the one” either.
The last cop I went out with was a police chief from a small town in Iowa. This is the same guy who claimed to be such a good “Christian” guy. We had a number of conversations and we did have one actual date which seemed to turn out really well (at the time). After that, the conversations continued and he started playing a lot of games in his email responses, in his phone conversations and in his inability to make a second date. If he was that unimpressed with me, it would have been much easier to not contact me after the first date than to string me along like he did for about 2 months. He lived farther from me than he originally thought and the distance factor was a legitimate concern but he never used that as the reason to become flaky. After finally having enough of his immature and pathetic game playing, I wrote him an email which said that this was NOT working. I never did hear from him again. However, I did put his photo and info on the “Don’tDateHimGirl” web site. The photo is not the one I would have liked to have used because it doesn’t look like him and his profile was no longer online so I couldn’t use the photo from that one, but it made me feel good to warn others about his game-playing and his insulting belief that because he claimed to be a Christian, that he could behave however badly he wanted to & all was forgiven if he went to church. I learned another lesson there. A guy who claims to go to church & is a Christian can toy with your emotions just as easily as someone who isn’t religious or spiritual whatsoever. In any event, law enforcement guys no longer entice me. In fact, I’m wary of them like a used car salesman.

Mark August 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Aren’t women typically attracted to men who exude confidence? I suspect that a confident posture and stance that military types learn has a lot to do with this.

Women are also attracted to power, right? And a uniform is a symbol of power.

This one doesn’t seem that hard to figure out, although I don’t have the female perspective. I’m just relaying what I’ve read and observed.

Caribbean Girls August 18, 2009 at 12:10 am

Great entry you have in here. Man’s posture can affect how he looks like and the attraction it will bring towards women but it wont affect to the extent as the basis of choosing the right person to them because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And besides, personality rather than beauty counts much.

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