His online profile mentioned that he loved sex, something that is usually a yellow flag as it says the man doesn’t have much of an appropriateness filter. But other things he shared made me give him some slack.
Half an hour into our first phone call, he said he “loved, loved, loved sex.” He suggested our first date be at his house to watch a move and if I wanted, stay over. I said I wasn’t comfortable going to a strange man’s house on the first date. I should have called it quits then, but I’d enjoyed most other aspects of our conversation.
Before we met, during our second call, he mentioned the previous Saturday night he was with a woman he used to date from Match.com. “I ended up staying the night” he shared. He now wanted to get together with me.
It was clear his attitude about sex was different than mine. He obviously felt no need or desire to be exclusive with someone with whom he was having sex, since he was trying to set up a date with me.
He asked if I wanted to get together. While I appreciated his candor, I didn’t want to get involved with someone who I felt I’d be fighting off throughout the evening because he clearly was only interested in one thing. And if we were to start seeing each other, I couldn’t trust that if we became intimate he’d be exclusive.
Is casual sex bad? Not between two people who have the same goals, are open about them and are responsible. But it’s not for me.
So I was grateful he laid out his hand so clearly and so soon. It saved me a lot of time and headache.
Have you gone out with someone who clearly wanted only casual sex when you wanted more? If so, how did you deal with it?
Want to understand more about how different sexual expectations affect dating relationships? Get your copy of From Fear to Frolic: Get Naked Without Getting Embarrassed.