Being “all that”

by Dating Goddess on October 15, 2009

In high school, if a girl is described as thinking she’s “all that” she’s considered arrogant, conceited, stuck up, snobbish. She thinks she’s God’s gift to the world. She’s too good for mere mortals.

Yet, when a young man describes a young woman as “all that” it’s a high compliment. He’s saying she’s sexy, attractive, desirable.

In midlife, do you exude the positive aspects of “all that”? Do you walk with your head high, straight posture, confident? Do you dress flatteringly — age appropriate, neat and well put together? Do you make easy eye contact, have a friendly facial expression?

Of course, the challenge is not to appear conceited, although my observation is that many more women behave less confident than arrogant.

The key is to feel confident, not just pretend. There are those who say “fake it ’til you make it” but I think that is short lived. You need to think of your many positive qualities. Before going out in public, tell yourself to stand tall. Make a practice of looking in the eye anyone who speaks to you. Get in the habit of smiling when you are walking.

You will create an inviting aura. People will smile back at you, say hello, and give you great service. You’ll look like someone who knows who she is and what she wants. Men find this appealing (at least healthy, sane men do).

Positive “all that” means you can be humble and self-deprecating, but with confidence. Sound contradictory? When a strong person shows vulnerability it is powerful.

When have you felt “all that” in a positive way? What self-talk enabled you to exude this presence? How did people react to you?
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

E-girl October 18, 2009 at 7:38 pm

I feel like I’m “all that” most of the time. Since I’ve started exploring the things that really move me, I feel more authentic in my daily existence. I’m certain that it’s authenticity that breeds confidence. People have been reacting positively and I’m loving it.

No more hiding, no more calculating, no more trying to be what everyone else thinks I should be…Just me. And that’s waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than enough. ;)

Katie October 20, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Being offered the dream summer job of my lifetime, in my 50s, brought me face to face with my “all that” side. As a new national park ranger I got to re-invent myself, leaving the baggage behind and embracing the creative, strong, entertaining, competent, passionate, knowledgeable, friendly, adventurous woman that I really am. I look at ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos from that job and marvel at the broad smile and the added sparkle in my eyes. It was such a life-changing experience to finally become what I had only dreamed of being, for decades, that it showed up in photos.

If you can’t do something quite that radical, another option is to set yourself a goal you wonder if you can meet. Then, meet it. At 49 I bought my first pair of running shoes and trained 385 miles for a half-marathon. Couldn’t even run 1/2 mile to begin. My “all that” arrived without fanfare when I crossed the finish line, and I have never been the same. I highly recommend this.

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