A pal who ended a decade-long relationship a year ago has fallen for a woman he met a few weeks ago. It’s the first person he’s dated after his relationship ended.
I’m fighting the urge to run screaming into traffic yelling, “It’s not fair!”
I have gone out with 112 men, only really falling for one who, after my rose-colored fog lifted, I saw as a controlling, abusive, self-absorbed man. Ah, love!
So now my friend’s love-fueled giddiness has me thinking what so many unintentional singles muse: “What’s wrong with me?”
“Why,” we wonder, “am I still single? My friends think I’m terrific!”
Of course, we know that being terrific in our friends’ eyes is not enough. After all, we’ve met (or been set up with) a friend’s “terrific” pal, only to experience someone who drones on about himself or you have to pull out more than monosyllabic responses to your questions. Or he chews with his mouth open, takes calls during dinner, or hasn’t been clothes shopping since 1980.
Sure, these guys are nice guys — if you don’t plan on spending time alone with them, introducing them to your parents, or getting naked with them.
But wait — could we have some glaring character flaw — what we like to think of as a quirk — that could be keeping us single? Do we have some annoying habit that is really only irritating to someone who wants more than a party guest or movie companion? Wouldn’t someone who loves us take us aside and say, “You know when you go into minute detail on matters than no one cares about? You need to stop that if you don’t want to die a spinster.”
Or maybe you’re just fine and you just haven’t found that elusive needle in the proverbial dating haystack — the one who sweeps you off your feet (orthotic-installed shoes and all) and will keep you loving him despite his quirks. And of course, he’ll keep loving you, as well.
So, as I’m sure you would, I wish my pal well with his new love and ask for as many details as he cares to share. I am happy for him. And it gives me hope that my guy is right around the corner and we’ll meet up very soon.
Want to understand more of what to expect in midlife dating? Get your copy of Dipping Your Toe in the Dating Pool: Dive In Without Belly Flopping