It also explains why all the needy girls in highschool had boyfriends and I didn’t.

Thanks for this post, it’s awesome.

I say thank you for stuff all the time, and we also have heart talks as noted in another essay. It is very much possible.

I would say, “You look great in that shirt.” And he would say, “Yeah, for a fat man.” He sings and plays guitar and I would compliment him on his playing or singing, he would just say something like, he messed something up or should have done this or that different. I would tell him to try and appreciate the compliment and he would just make a shameful face. It’s sad really. But eventually I saw him as he “thought” he was. Fat, not good at doing things, etc. We couldn’t play and compliment each other and enjoy each other.

I had to ask him if he thought I looked good. He would say, “You always look good.” I said, “Well, I need to hear that once in a while.” It was very frustrating.

So yes, anytime a man holds a door open for me, I always thank him. I especially like to compliment women b\c I don’t think they hear enough of them. There aren’t enough positive people in the world. I used to be a hairdresser so I notice clothes and hair changes easily. When a color of clothing looks good on someone I always tell them. I usually try to come to work with a smile and say hi to everyone I pass. Even shen I don’t know them. People look at me strangely a lot because I do talk easily to people and try to pass a smile on. But I figure, what the heck. I may have made their day.

I hope many more people can learn to give and receive!

I’d go in a heartbeat, but only if I could wear a mask. BTW: I make a mean chocolate chip cookie. I can’t cook worth a darn, but, boy oh boy, can I bake…

Best wishes from bookyone

I’ve decided we should all gather somewhere in the world, since DG readers are spread out around the planet. I love going to my stats page and seeing hits from England, Australia, Poland, So. Africa, Singapore, India — it’s truly amazing. Maybe we should all gather in England around Gatti’s wedding to her sweet, sweet man! Not that we’d all be invited — or that he’s even asked her yet — but I’m sure we could get them to at least sup with us one night!

And based on the gentlemen’s comments here, I’m thinking all us gals who are looking would find these guys charming. Maybe a match or two might come of it! They seem like such fun, thoughtful, introspective, smart, caring guys, don’t you think?

Anyway, I was just overcome with gratitude as I read today’s comments and felt I had to share.

OK everyone, gather round — group hug!

Me, for all my life…. 8-/

I find it incredibly hard to accept a compliment, thanks, favor, help, etc, etc, etc.

I don’t take offense a la feminism, it just feels really REALLY uncomfortable to me and I then try to verbally and physically backpedal out of it by denying whatever is said or offered…

In the last few years I have actively and with a steel will become more aware of this, and forced myself to be more gracious about good things said and to accept help when offered even when I could do it myself.

It’s insanely hard, I actually feel guilty about accepting!
I must be carrying around some weird mental programming I can’t remember getting

And there is some risk in accepting compliments or help from men; about 1/2 the time, the vibe is NOT altruistic, sadly. Maybe that’s living in a big urban area and being a woman alone, maybe it’s just chance, maybe it’s not as ‘nice’ here as where some people live…

But…. yeah, letting that bagboy stop and load the last 2 bags and take the cart back seems to make him much happier in his job- especially when I resist the urge to look amused or prevent him from doing it, and instead SMILE and say THANKS! because it’s the thought that counts and he was trying to be nice and helpful.

Repeat this to yourself a million times a day forever, and you just MIGHT be able to change that inner dialog…at least, I’m hoping it will!

Excellent post. I frequently find myself in this dilemma, as I have a hard time saying “yes” to anyone’s help, be it a female friend, a guy I’m dating, a male friend, a family member, a stranger, anyone, not because it offends my sensibilities or principles, but because then I feel obligated to do something for the other party, and, to be perfectly honest, I don’t always feel like returning the favor, (OK, color me selfish at times, but it’s true). It’s refreshing to realize it doesn’t have to be this way, and that accepting help doesn’t cost any more than a simple “thank you.” I think I can handle that, even on my worst days.

Best wishes from bookyone